Thursday, July 30, 2009

A day late and a dolla short!

Leave it to me. I have this absolute, wonderful knack for doing things in the most complicated, difficult way possible! This is the story of my life. I never take the shortest distance between two points, the straight line. Oh, no, I have to find the most difficult way to get from one point to the other, then I see if I can complicate it even more!
So, as I blogged about in my "I'm BAAAAACK" post, I have realized that just because I am no longer what I might consider young, I am going to fulfill my career dream and do what I really want to do. Yup, unfortunately I didn't exactly decide this in enough time to actually get the start that I had intended. As is true to my fashion, I waited too long to make this decision and have found that the school I am registered for classes in for fall (and where my financial aid is set up to go through) DOES NOT offer the 1 class I need to take!!! Of course!!!! So brainy Patty thinks I can just register somewhere else and keep in my classes at Rio, but this would not be possible because I would have to pay for the class NOW in order to be in it (not even in the realm of possibility as my money tree out back has no leaves on it!) and it is too late to transfer the financial aid info!!! OF COURSE!!! So here I am, It will take yet ANOTHER year to get where I wanna be! But this, I guarantee... I will not, I repeat, I WILL NOT let this get me down or put me in a tailspin. It is what it is. It is me. It is how I roll, the hard way, but it is what it is nonetheless!
Maybe, just maybe, someday I will do things smart. Maybe someday I will just set a plan into action and do it the right way! Until then, I'll just keep on keepin on I guess!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Little Sweeties!

Today, I present the reason for my life...

Friday, July 24, 2009


Where have you been?
I've looked for you forever and a day..
Where have you been?
I'm just not myself when you're away..
No, I'm just not myself when you're away.
This is a song that I don't think is very well known, but it is a song I LOVE by Kathy Matea. It's old, but whenever I put it in my CD player, I usually sing it at the top of my lungs over.. and over.. and over again. Well, this is how I have felt lately, about myself. Where have I been?
Right around the time my sweet little Amylia was born, it "dawned on me" that I would never be able to complete my career goal. I had been working towards a goal for myself since around 1998.
Even when my first child, Ashlynn was born, I continued in school to reach my goal. Let me be specific... Ashlynn was due on August 13th, 1999, but I wanted to have her as early as possible (and of course, no earlier than would be healthy for her!) because the fall semester at ASU West (and my first semester there!) was to start August 20th. Well, despite my best laid plans, Ashlynn came when SHE wanted, not on my schedule! I did EVERYTHING to try to start labor starting around August 5th. I walked. And walked. And walked. Don't ask because yes, I tried that. I even tried the whole "castor oil" trick, mixing it with root beer. Disgusting! I couldn't drink root beer for about 5 years after that! Advice for anyone wanting to try that? Don't do it. It did nothing to make me start labor. Nothing worked! So after being induced, having labor for 15 hours, Ashlynn was born by caesarean on August 11th, 1999. I still started school on August 20th, and damn that was hard! I wasn't even cleared to drive yet, but here I was on campus by the first day of school! The reason I did it is because I KNEW that if I even took a semester off, I would probably never complete my education. I continued on and received my Bachelors degree at the same time as my husband, with our 2 year old Ashlynn there at the ceremony! This was step one towards my career goal.
I kept working (as I have done full time since I was 15 years young) and chugged along knowing that the next step was to come soon. Well, then a few years went by and I realized that if our family were to expand any more, it needed to happen now, not once I was back in school. I also knew that if we waited until after school was complete, Ashlynn could very well be so far apart from a new baby, and that large of an age gap seemed like something I did not want. So we began to try for another baby. Along came Adrian! Now our family was pretty much complete, right? I got an IUD because who knew, maybe we would want to have another baby after my education was complete, right?
Adrian was 9 months old when I found out I was pregnant with Amylia (when my husband realized he had super sperm!!). Shock is one way to describe how I felt! Never upset though, this little miracle was meant to be! Clearly I was meant to be the one to bring this little lady into the world! Along came Amylia. This was two years ago.
It was sometime after she was born that I realized that it would be impossible for me to continue on the path I had started down so long ago. I made a back up plan and got started on this back up. Not a bad plan, really. I have always been interested in healthcare and would love to go into nursing, so a nurse it is, that's what I'll do! The negative part is that I do not need a Bachelors degree for this and it really did nothing for me if I become a nurse. I hate to think that maybe all of that education and $ in financial aid pretty much goes to waste, but I have to do SOMETHING with my life so on with it and I was off to see what I needed to do to become a nurse. I have been pursuing this goal now for about a year.
I realized yesterday that this plan = me... quitting. Giving up on my dreams. I think the reason I actually gave up on myself is that I was scared. I think I gave up on myself and thought I couldn't actually cut it. This is not me. This is not how I live my life. So guess what? I'm BAAAACK!! What the HELL was I thinking??? SO WHAT if I am already in my (early!) thirties? SO WHAT if it will be hard to get to the end of this journey? I'm PRACTICALLY there, really! So here goes, all I need is to take 1 class (that's all!) and take A test (the DAT) and I can apply to dental school to become Dr. McKelvey. I will likely continue on and specialize in Orthodontics as I have been an ortho assistant for over 13 years now so that would be using my talents in a smart way.
I know I'm not there yet, it will be a long and hard journey, but where I am now is simply spinning my wheels and the last thing I want is to wake up at age 50 and wish I had gone to dental school, realize that I am 50 something and I still am knee deep just barely surviving. So wish me luck, because if I DON'T make it, it won't be because I gave up.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

California dreamin...

Amylia's footprint ............. Adrian's footprint

Was it only a dream? It can't be real that only a few weeks ago this family was enjoying the beautiful California weather! Maybe this hell we are now living (let's face it people, 115º is pretty equal to Hell in my opinion!) is the dream, or should I say nightmare? So yes, California is over, we are back to reality, or as close to reality as we get until the teacher goes back to school and we are thrust back into the chaos that is our life! We had a fabulous time enjoying being with each other, watching the kids who are growing up so very fast, and did I mention the weather? AHHHHH!

My goal of changing my life, and finally doing something for me, and putting my health into a priority? Well, its still just that... a goal that I do think of often, does that count for anything?

For now, enjoy our California pictures! And yes, that cowboy is trigger happy so watch out, or he'll shoot!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

A brighter day

It has been 1 year. 1 year! That's right, 1 year ago my, strike that, our lives were turned upside down here in mc-mommyland. I was supposed to be on vacation, visiting my husband's family. Something, call it intuition, luck, or kismet, but something made me change my mind and back out of making the drive to California.

Out of the blue, really, I got a call from the office manager to the Orthodontic office I had worked for ALMOST 5 years (July 14 would be 5 years) to find out that they were letting me go. This was July 2nd, 2008. The office was closed for the week, everyone was off work including the Doctor, who just the week before had told me I was "golden" and had nothing to worry about for any upcoming possible lay offs. What was the most important thing on their mind? Firing Patty. What an ass he was, or maybe what an ass I was?
It did come as a complete shock, as I am the type of person who used to give everything I had of myself to my job. I used to put my job above anything else going on in my life. It came 2nd to my family, of course, but if I had to change plans to do something for the office I was more than willing because I knew it made a difference. I was wrong.
What ensued was mass chaos in our financial world. We were barely making ends meet as it was and this was the last straw. I had already been working 2 jobs, Monday-Thursday at the Ortho office, Friday-Sunday at a restaurant waitressing. We were barely making it. I had just quit a 3rd "gig" I had throwing the newspapers for a year. I needed it, but it was a LOT of work, and with the other 2 jobs and 3 kids I had gotten to a point where I knew I needed to take a leap of fate and trust that God would give us what we needed. When I was throwing the paper (300 per day every day of the week with no breaks unless I wanted to pay a sub WAY too much money to cover a day), I was really living on about 3 hours sleep per night. I did not ever let my job suffer, I was on my game when I was there and excelled more then I knew was possible. What I did let suffer was my family, or more my relationship with my family, as I was practically catatonic when I was at home. I also found that driving was getting most difficult, I could barely stay awake when sitting in any traffic. So I quit, even though we needed it, I figured I had to give my everything to the things that mattered and just take whatever life presented. One month later, boy was I in for a surprise when I got that call!

I was out of work for the longest 6 weeks of my life. I finally found a job, it paid significantly less then I had gotten myself up to, but it was a job and I was in serious need of one; not only to put food on the table but also to help my tarnished self image! I took that job and gave it all I had. I loved doing this new position, but after a few months I realized that there was no way we could sustain our life as this place kept doing pay cuts for all employees. With a heavy heart, I decided I needed to find a better job.

The night I made this decision, I stumbled upon what would be where I work now. Call it fate, destiny, or kismet, but now that I am where I am, I can't imagine ever going back to where I was a year ago! The job I am at? It's really a great, happy place to be! I no longer take any issues from work home with me and take them out on the family and am just happy when I am at work! I've got great people surrounding me and feel like I belong.

So this last year? It's been a rough one! I, as a person, have changed imensly. I was forced to look inside of myself, look into my heart, and become the person that I thought I was; that I wanted to be. I was forced to examine my friendships, my abilities, my everything. I did not, and still do not, believe that I was treated right in the whole deal. Even though I wanted to believe that I worked for a great guy, deep down I knew that he was anything but. I do not, however, hold any ill will or bad feelings about the whole situation (a few months ago, I don't know if I could have said that!). In this past year, this family has endured things I did not know we could endure. But we? Survived. We are? Stronger. Me personally? I am trying to just live every day to the fullest.

Right after everything happened, I might have said that no job was worth giving everything you have to it. Because really, when it comes down to it, the powers that be don't really give a shit about you and will cut you when it suits them. This was how I felt when I was hurt and felt my world unraveling. But now? Well, lets just say that I can't live a life where I DON'T give my everything into anything that matters. My children, the love of my life, my job, my friends, anything that matters deserves that best I have to offer.

Now, the only thing I have to change is maybe, just maybe, giving myself that same attention, and caring enough about myself to give my everything to my quest for being the best that I can be, in mind and body. I would say "wish me luck", but really, I know I don't need luck! I just have to set my mind to it and I can accomplish anything I want to, so can you! (scroll for all three photos...)

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