Wednesday, October 7, 2009

I Am

I am.....
wife, mother, daughter, sister, student, teacher, workerbee, butt-wiper extrodinairre (but only to my 2 and 3 year olds;), chef, maid, servant, happy, sad, scared, overwhelmed, stressed, inconsolable, overworked, underpaid, exhausted, in love, talented, scatterbrained, intelligent, ditzy, frustrated, furious, nice, considerate, fat, lazy, absentminded, poor, insignificant, insecure, confident, positive, negative, a procrastinator, frantic, calm, somebody, nobody, honest, deceptive, satisfied, unsatisfied, a dreamer, a realist, accepting, a dork, cool, right, wrong, sorry, empathetic, embarassed, proud, eager, sweet, loving, insane in the membrane, needy, independant, stubborn, controlling, used, gullible, mean, beautiful, ugly, hurt, seamstress, organized, unorganized, packrat, quiet, loud, singer, spazzoid, funny, humorless, impatient, fast, slow, witty, alive, irreplacable;), forgettable, persistent, a failure, a winner, human.
This is me.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

So very wrong...

Warning: Close friends and family members may want to skip reading this particular post as it deals with parts of my past that you do not know about and do not necessarily want to know about, but it is a post that I feel compelled to write after recent events in the news.

Ok, now that I have gotten that disclosure out of the way, on with my topic...

I have a problem, a MASSIVE problem with the recent arrest, and more importantly, the outcry for the release of Roman Polanski.
For those that are unaware, after 30 years of living a free, high life, fugitive Roman Polanski was arrested in Switzerland and is to be extradited to the U.S. because of a rape he committed to a 13 year old girl.
Now, celebrities, directors, producers, etc are coming out in Polanski's DEFENSE saying that he should NOT be extradited and forced to face a sentence for this heinous crime that was committed so long ago!!! My first thoughts? What the fuck???!!! The man RAPED a 13 year old girl! Is there some privilege in Celebrityland that allows celebrities to do as they please, even if that means raping a CHILD?! It disgusts me beyond belief that celebrities such as Debra Winger, Whoopi Goldberg, Woody Allen, Martin Scorsese, David Lynch, Harvey Weinstein, Pedro Almodóvar and Ethan Coen are all coming to this monster's defense because of so many reasons that don't matter! He has had a successful film career? SO THE FUCK WHAT? It's been so long ago that this happened? EVEN MORE OF A TRAVESTY! It wasn't "rape-rape" according to Whoopi Goldberg? FIRST off, even if it HAD been consensual (which it was NOT as documented in the court papers!), it is STILL rape because a 13 year old girl is in no way capable of having REAL consensual sex with an old man! This is why they call it rape, even if the CHILD agreed... But this child DID NOT agree to what this monster did to her! He drugged her and wouldn't stop even though she told him to stop, don't touch her, she even tried to get away and he wouldn't let her!
BUT, apparently since he has made successful films, it's ok. Let's just let him be free because he has had a rough life. Clearly it was terribly rough for him as he lived in Europe and continued to make films. Rough, rough life. I wonder, had the sicko that held Jaycee Dugard captive from the time she was 11 until she was 29, if HE was a filmmaker or other type of celebrity, would this have been ok?
I'm not one to normally rant and rave over things which I really cannot change and have no say in, but as a victim of child rape, I am really compelled to write about this situation. In my case, my monster never stood trial on this earth because I let him get away with it. I was a child, only 10, and I was too afraid to ever tell anyone. It was a family friend and in the years following the assault I stuck close to my parents and was never alone with the bastard again. My parents had no idea, always thought he was such a nice man because he always brought "gifts" for me. I was sickened by the whole situation but was always too afraid to reveal the truth. Now? Lord it has been too long. The bastard is dead and gone, so I know he faced judgment for what he did and I am at peace with that, but I will still never tell my parents because all it will do is hurt them now. So I hold it in, only very few people have known about it up to this point. Let me say, when I say I am "at peace" with it, I mean I am at peace with the fact that God had judged him. Not with what he did to me. I'll never be OK, I'll always be a little fucked up over what he did to me, But I do know that I was a victim, not at fault for his crime.
I know the victim in the Polanski rape doesn't want to open up this old wound, but it is still a wound and will always be because of this awful thing that this demon did to her when she was a child. People who say he is only accused? Nope, not really. He signed a plea deal admitting guilt, so we cannot say he hasn't been convicted of a crime. The pussy skipped out on his sentencing because he was AFRAID they wouldn't honor the plea deal he agreed to? Nope, I don't buy that as an excuse.
So who is right? Well, me of course cuz this is my blog and you're just visiting it;) But honestly, in the end, this demon will be judged by the only one that matters. Hopefully sooner rather than later... oh wait, did I just say that "out loud"?

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