tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-85437512945998359692024-02-18T23:09:49.653-08:00mc-mommyland!!Celebrating the daily adventures in my crazy world with my family!
Patty mcmommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13002394421393958031noreply@blogger.comBlogger42125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8543751294599835969.post-41051703232588823402019-04-06T00:56:00.001-07:002019-04-06T00:56:10.833-07:00Shattered into a million piecesI never imagined that life would turn out like this...<br />
Not many people know what has been going on in our lives here in mc-mommyland. There are a few reasons for this. For one, It's too overwhelming for me to share. I don't exactly have friends or any kind of support system outside of my family at home and maybe 1 or 2 other people. I'm not complaining or trying to have a pity party. It just is what it is and I accept that, in reality, nobody really gives a shit. I stopped sharing most of the personal shit in my life because why should I? I mean if people really cared, I would know it and feel support and they would know everything going on. It's actually freeing to realize that in this big old world I am fully aware of who cares, who is just here to see the shit show, and who is just merely an acquaintance. <br />
The only reason I am even writing this post is that I believe that it might be therapeutic for me. I haven't decided if I will post it for anyone to read or not.<br />
But enough about me. Or perhaps this is all about me. It's for me, to put it all down and see if it somehow helps me to deal with everything, this much I know.<br />
Things have been hard. Really hard. But isn't it hard for everyone? Between Amylia's PANDAS that doesn't ever really let go of its hold on her, AJ's autism that tends to make things and experiences so much different than his schoolmates, and just the daily stresses of life, I feel like it's a neverending rollercoaster, but not the fun kind. By the way, this year has literally been 5,000,000,000 day's long even though the calendar says it is only April. I call total bullshit on that. There is no way there have only been 3 months and a handful of days in 2019. But I really should get to the point already. I don't intend to speak of any of what I am about to share. Not because I am a total bitch. Mind you, I absolutely am, but that is not why. It is because, for the first time in my life, I cannot keep my emotions in check. I've never before been like this. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't even remember.... anything. I mean I can't even remember things like how long it takes me to get to work at a job I have worked at for 8.5 years. I can't remember how to do some things that are second nature to me. I can't remember what time to set my alarm for. So much I cannot remember. It's like my brain has turned to complete mush. It has nothing to do with age or hormones or anything like that. I think it is 100% grief. It's a kind of grief that I could never have imagined. <br />
In early February I intercepted some messages on my son's phone. He had been moody and has almost always only seen the negative in everything, but I assumed it was the autism, becoming a teenager, getting used to middle school, normal things like that. How wrong I was. <br />
Before I intercepted these messages, he had found a friend, a really good friend. He had confided in me that she was bipolar (she's not) and that she used to cut herself. He felt so honored that she had told him that when she met him, the only thing keeping her from killing herself was him. But they had a falling out when she rejected him and did not even want to be friends with him any longer. He tends to focus all of his energy and attention on her, and she wanted nothing to do with him and it hurt him so bad. But that happens and it is all a part of life, isn't it? <br />
He got desperate and tried to text her, but he wasn't understanding the social cues of her responses. He tried to show her that he cut himself. He stepped it up, saying he can't do anything right, he can't even kill himself right. Her response? Absolutely cold-hearted and chilling. She told him he is not autistic. She said to him "Go right ahead you unruly fuck" "Go". He said "I have already started picking my skin so you have no need to encourage. Because I know how bad you want me dead. My family, my friends, my teachers, everyone" He said a few more things about not knowing how to kill himself and here are her replies.... "Left and right for attention up and down for results. If you shave it helps because the blade on the razor is replaceable. Those cut pretty good. Remove the blade from the razor. Do you need a tutorial?", He answers "Yes please". "First you remove the razor part from the handle. Then".. "Thanks" he replied,<b> but she didn't stop</b>. "You cut the wires that block the blade. Then the blade comes out pretty easy. You also have to remove the back part." He asks, "What razor do you use?". She replies "Gillette. The men ones are cheaper and work better". He tells her he doesn't have that kind so he is definitely going to have to get that kind. They say a few more things but the conversation changed to other things and ends. I was horrified. Absolutely horrified. <br />
A lot happened between then and now. I shared what was discussed with the other mom. She had no idea that her child had ever spoken to anyone else like this and she was horrified. I found <i>myself</i> counseling and consoling her(!!!) when I was the one who's son was wanting to die by this girl's instructions. But I kept it together (IDK HOW!) and did my best to help calm her down and tell her to take some time to think and cool off before she talked to her daughter. She ended up pulling her daughter from school and homeschooling her. Not only because of this but also because of another time this year that she got in trouble for talking about death with someone at school and she was struggling at school as well. I felt like this could be a positive thing because seeing her at school was so hard for him after I had said he cannot be friends with her anymore because it was a toxic friendship... He had begun pulling away from his friends because they were also friends with her. So with her out of the picture things had to turn around for him, right???? WRONG. He went into a downward spiral and started cutting at school! He texted me from school to come and get him because he cut himself! I picked him up and thus began our journey to where he is now. <br />
A mental health facility. After an emergency visit to his psychiatrist, who then sent him directly for a psych eval at the hospital, who released him only for him to fall even deeper into depression. Counseling sessions and change in meds did nothing to help. The prospect of intensive outpatient therapy made it even worse. Then came Saturday night. I found him on his (DAMN) phone when he wasn't supposed to be on that (DAMN!) app, discord, that he thinks he can hide messages in. I took it from his room and I knew I needed to check it. I just <i>knew</i> I had to check. There it was, he found THAT GIRL on that (DAMN!) app discord. But the worse part wasn't that he found <i>her, </i>but rather what he talked about with her. He said the words that made us <i style="font-weight: bold;">KNOW</i> we had to actually admit him to a hospital. "You know how I said I was going to kill myself next Friday? I meant it. I already know the exact date and the exact time". I forced myself to stay up all night because I was worried he would come out to get his phone and talk to her more. Or worse try to do it sooner now. The next day we had him admitted to try and get him help and keep him alive. He admitted that it was true, he planned on killing himself. <br />
It was the hardest thing I could even imagine doing in my craziest dreams. I don't know how I have even managed to maintain some sense of normalcy (Ok, only at work can I step out of my life and into my work persona of someone who is composed, professional, and in charge... except this time it's harder.) I keep it together when I am with a patient. But sit through a meeting, work on my computer or anything else where I don't have to be my work persona,, and I will just lose it. I can sometimes fight back the tears, other times I cannot. Driving and at home I am sometimes hysterical, emotional, crying mess. I'm hopeful I can get my boy back, and terrified that this may be our new normal until the time comes that we can't save him. <br />
I don't know when he will be coming home. I'm not ok. <i>We're</i> not ok. I, personally have never been this fragile. This... broken. <br />
Don't be upset that I didn't tell you. It's just something I couldn't do. I <i style="font-weight: bold;">cannot </i>speak of it. Not yet. Not on command. I breakdown. I can't speak. <b>Literally</b>. <br />
I never imagined that life would turn out like this...Patty mcmommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13002394421393958031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8543751294599835969.post-79861323127411698912017-05-13T09:55:00.001-07:002017-05-13T10:34:18.246-07:00I.... blinked....I've always said "don't blink" to new parents because I was fully aware of how fast childhood flies by. Yet, here I am wondering where it went. How did I get to this point in time where my oldest is graduating high school in just a couple of weeks?<br />
Did I cherish the moments of her childhood? You bet your ass I did. Do I feel like somehow I missed it all? I do. Life. It's a roller-coaster and although I was a very present and involved mother, I do feel like I blinked and POOF here we are!!!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6ZSvJIYZ801tmVPGUOFLQyOC0T2k5df5BvHytY1aXtv5WaR2wzGMlOpccRtyQQ7cw_BgzEmy5oGieRQ0RgFloqyPUk8caRGDioTre1vErKy1JP2N92J1oCHmtP5bO3aOOj443q7sK8sI/s1600/ash3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6ZSvJIYZ801tmVPGUOFLQyOC0T2k5df5BvHytY1aXtv5WaR2wzGMlOpccRtyQQ7cw_BgzEmy5oGieRQ0RgFloqyPUk8caRGDioTre1vErKy1JP2N92J1oCHmtP5bO3aOOj443q7sK8sI/s320/ash3.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
It is a strange amalgamation of emotions that has hit me like a ton of bricks that I never expected to feel. It's nearly inexplicable tbh. It's not sadness, although there have been and will be more tears to fall from my eyes. I feel happiness, pride, and I don't know what else, but I feel it! In my world, I didn't expect graduation to be *that* big of a deal. I mean, yes it is exciting and all that, but it isn't a negotiable thing in my life for my kids. It's expected and not (again this is in my world) to be this "wow she made it!" sort of a thing because... of course she made it! I mean, why WOULDN'T she? Her father is a teacher. Both of us have higher education (and the debt to prove it!) and seriously high school graduation is not optional. But then, I guess, things change and you witness things that happen in the world Children that are taken from the world too soon So much can happen before this milestone to take it away from a family, that suddenly I DO find great significance in it. Suddenly I DO feel the need to celebrate, It IS a milestone and it shouldn't be taken for granted! And it has me feeling... ALL. OF. THE. FEELS.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTpn2G4mIjDMb3gs45jwLzyNG1drvv_NzFizENV-tll19d2Pco8sEvvHsvcHwPBetdt7_jS5JOXUoMjIhh2jhsQcvidfI_jBuxFHeTBjvfmp7Hz4fY4SMeODDWiGUFbBYPs1ZrUZ4eQf4/s1600/IMG_0344.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTpn2G4mIjDMb3gs45jwLzyNG1drvv_NzFizENV-tll19d2Pco8sEvvHsvcHwPBetdt7_jS5JOXUoMjIhh2jhsQcvidfI_jBuxFHeTBjvfmp7Hz4fY4SMeODDWiGUFbBYPs1ZrUZ4eQf4/s320/IMG_0344.JPG" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
So the beginning of the end of high school was last weekend. Her Senior Showcase in the drama department. She performed a song that was beautiful. No microphone. Just her singing to the track. And I expected to cry. <b><i>I did not</i></b>. Don't be impressed. It's really because this emotion came over me and my chest tightened up, my abs (What?! There are abs in there???!!!) got tight, and I realized that I could not breathe. Thank god I didn't pass out, that may have embarrassed her more than me tagging her in my facebook post with the link to this youTube video where her friends found her performances back to the 4th grade and they said "OMG I LOVE baby Ashlynn singing!" :) and with that, I present Ashlynn Singing "What I did for Love"...<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/2DgcICMGapI" width="560"></iframe><br />
<br />Patty mcmommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13002394421393958031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8543751294599835969.post-65927735723464981382015-08-23T21:46:00.001-07:002015-08-23T21:46:34.663-07:00I. Survived.I know, shock right? It <strike>was</strike> is rough.... and holy expensive and painful and life altering fall batman! But I survived.<br />
Still not running, the surgeon told me I may find that my knee cannot tolerate running anymore. He said my body will tell me. I'm beyond saddened over this, but also determined to prove him wrong. <br />
It's been 4 months since the surgery.... I wonder if I will ever physically feel the same?<br />
I guess only time will tell.<br />
I have so much to tell you. You really have missed so much.<br />
But you will have to stay tuned and come back to find out more....Patty mcmommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13002394421393958031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8543751294599835969.post-9232392839154292682015-03-31T22:30:00.001-07:002015-04-02T20:59:05.916-07:00FragilityWell, it's scheduled. Surgery. And now I have a month to freak the fuck out. Yes, I tend to be a glass half full kind of girl in almost everything in life. But this sort of thing? Not so much. <div>I get that surgeries are routine and all of that, and of course there are still risks involved, as with any surgery there are risks. But having known someone that died from complications of anesthesia, I know that those risks are very real. And it scares me. I'm not terrified of death per se, but more terrified of leaving my children without a mother. Terrified of not waking up and seeing my babies grow up. Yes, I know its a quite morbid view of a pretty routine surgery, but I can't help it. </div><div>But truly if you think about it, tomorrow is promised to no one. I could die before the sun rises, but I'm not scared to fall asleep tonight. So why does this surgery cause me such fear? I dunno....</div><div>But I do look forward to the day I'm healed. When I don't feel so helpless. When I'm not in so much pain that I can sleep at night. When I can RUN again. God I do miss that. </div><div>You know how kids are almost fearless? They tend to think they are invincible and will not be hurt. I personally have never felt the sense of fragility that I now feel. I wonder if that will ever go away? Will I forever now be cautious and fear my body will fail me and I could suffer an injury over something as silly as a wet floor? Who have I turned into? </div><div>I just wanna be me again. </div>Patty mcmommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13002394421393958031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8543751294599835969.post-53612727190039703502015-03-14T23:55:00.001-07:002015-03-14T23:55:50.482-07:00Love song...<div>However far away</div><div>I will always love you</div><div>However long I stay</div><div>I will always love you</div><div>Whatever words I say</div><div>I will always love you</div><div>I will always love you</div>Patty mcmommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13002394421393958031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8543751294599835969.post-5230756093964713182015-02-11T18:41:00.001-08:002015-02-11T18:41:14.323-08:00Wait, what????So........ Remember last time I blogged I said I was ready for what the year had for me? Can I take that back???!! It's mid February and it appears this year is really gonna blow. Chunks. For realses. <div>Not that I dismiss or am ungrateful for all of the good that is in my life. And there's plenty of good. I need only gaze upon my children and I know I'm incredibly blessed. So don't get me wrong, things could always be worse and I always try to see the good in any situation. But my situation? Sucks donkey dick. Yes I did just say that. </div><div>In a sad turn of events, Nana died in January. She was just shy of 94 years old. Days shy actually. So it wasn't out of the blue as she lived a long wonderful life, but it was sad and it kind of feels like the end of a Harry Potter, where Hermoine says "everything is going to change now, isn't it?" Because she was the matriarch of the family. Tats had died a few years back and now Nana is gone. :(</div><div>So we had to go out of the state for the funeral. And as it all started coming together it was clear that I was going to have to not run a half marathon that I register for almost a year in advance. The rock and roll half marathon. I had trained for it and was ready to run it. Would be my 4th half marathon. But couldn't do it because of the timing of the funeral. That was hard for me. It shouldn't have been. But it was. But I knew what I had to do so I accepted that I trained for a race, paid for it and I would not be able to run. This has happened to me once before. When my car was totaled 3 days before a marathon I was supposed to run. Wtf‽ seems I'm out of another race. Fine. It is what it is. So I research and decide there's another half marathon I can register for in March. So off to the funeral we go....</div><div>Wait, no. AJ comes down with the flu days before we are to go. Put him on tamiflu (HOLY CRAP $160 for the prescription!!!! That's with insurance!!) and quarantine him and hope nobody else gets it! </div><div>Aaaand then Ashlynn and Amylia get it. Good god can we catch a break???? Thursday comes, we are supposed to drive to Cali... I get the flu! I try to refuse to admit it because clearly this will go away if I deny it, right? RIGHT‽ Joe says we should just go tomorrow and let me sleep but I refuse, because I can't imagine the kids riding in the car all day and going straight to a funeral. So let's just go. We can rest at the hotel and be ready tomorrow (had masks for all in case we weren't better cuz I don't wanna get anyone sick!). We load up the car and I'm in the car when I realize I need to barf. NOW! I hop out and in my driveway let loose. When I'm finished, teary eyed and deflated I look at joe and say he's right and I'm going to bed. The kids were already buckled even. Lol!</div><div>Ok Friday. I wake up all better (NO SHIT!) so we go to Cali. Check in at the hotel (lost the money for the night before as we had reservations but whatever.) It had felt like the fates were trying to keep me from going to the funeral and dammit I got there. Whew! Oh shit, in my flu ridden packing frenzy I forgot shirts for me! Seriously‽ so now we gotta hurry, have Ash get the littles showered while Joe and I go to a store for the things I forgot! Hurry hurry!!!!!</div><div>If you've gotten this far, I've saved the best (smh) for last....</div><div>We get back to the hotel and I'm gonna shower before Joe. The floor is SOAKED! Good god my littles are messy. Hop in to realize I need a washcloth... Slowly and carefully go to step out and it happens. I fall. When I do something, if u don't know me u don't know this, I really DO it. I knew it was bad as I have a high pain threshold and I couldn't stop sobbing and screaming in pain. I can't get up. My leg feels like something I've never felt before..... </div><div>I couldn't walk but was not going to miss Nanas funeral. Went to the viewing and rosary that night, funeral next day and then drove home. The pain was unbearable. But I pushed through. And now I have a cute cane with roses all over it and a snazzy knee brace. Oh and an MRI later I'm told it will take me a year to heal. At least. Oh I'll need surgery. I completely tore my ACL, partially tore my MCL, and tore my meniscus. Go big or go home baby! Running? Out. Standing or walking or ANYTHING? Out. So now I am thrust into a world of constant pain, no sleep and seriously depressed. God damn I'm so not graceful....</div><div>So how is your year going? :)</div>Patty mcmommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13002394421393958031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8543751294599835969.post-89414935207298736292014-12-31T22:33:00.002-08:002014-12-31T22:33:19.177-08:00Another New Year....<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Are you ready for what your future holds? I am....</span>Patty mcmommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13002394421393958031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8543751294599835969.post-42937479439148593672014-12-25T15:58:00.002-08:002014-12-25T15:58:32.240-08:00Merry Merry!Merry Christmas to YOU! <a href="http://youtu.be/U_j8II-fgQQ">Where my Amylia and I sing for you</a><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Patty mcmommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13002394421393958031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8543751294599835969.post-64051824411688501082014-08-17T12:44:00.001-07:002014-08-17T12:44:03.516-07:00Unconditional love... It's hard<h2><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px;">How do you love someone that pushes you away at every turn? </span></h2><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">When it's just anyone, even a spouse, I think at some point you cut your losses and close a door. But when it's your son? You love harder. And how hard that can be at times....</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">This week has been an especially trying week. School started, and I knew his anxiety would be high. It had been hard a week or two prior when his dad was out of town for work. And my sweet little aspie doesn't hold it together so well when he's feeling that pressure. The week his dad was gone was rough. He took it out on me and was angry, as though it was my fault. I expected that and did what I could to assure him things would be back to normal soon. But the back to school stuff? I didn't think it would be so hard. And I had hoped that with the meds he's on now, he would handle it better. It left me an emotional wreck after he did his best to express his anger and hatred for me. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">It's exceptionally hard for me because my childhood wasn't the happiest. It was filled with verbal abuse and I actually did fear for my safety. I was well behaved because I didn't think, I *<b><i><u>knew</u></i></b>* I would get the shit beat out of me if I pissed her off. I did my best to stay under the radar and I did a damned good job of it. So to become a parent myself, I made sure not to follow in the footsteps I had been forced to follow as a child. I have raised my children with love and security. I want them to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they have my love and support, no matter what. And they do, I believe. I think I am a very involved mother and love my children unconditionally. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">But then I have this sweet AJ. I think he truly believes he has a rough life. I don't think its a kid being dramatic. I can see it in his eyes. He truly thinks I am mean and horrible and his life is terrible. And it tears my heart out. His feelings, irrational as they are, are real. And how do I teach him that his life? It's not bad. That his mom? Isn't a bad one at all? When he treats me like he does (yes I'll tell you about that in a minute), there's different reactions in my head. The human in me wants to say "you think I'm mean‽ I'll SHOW you mean!!"(but that isn't in me, so I would and could never). The girl who avoided confrontation and anger wants to run away and hide (but I'm also a mom to two other children who need me and would suffer in my absence, so the urge to withdraw isn't as strong as my will to be the mom I know I am). But really, what the hell am I supposed to do when I'm shit on again and again? </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">His meltdowns have dramatically gone down to virtually none since he started on meds for his anxiety, but now he handles it in a more calculated way. And this scares me. I'm very concerned that his anger and what feels like true hatred for me will manifest into god knows what as he gets older. What will his actions manifest into?</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I get that his ODD (oppositional defiance disorder) affects how he treats me. And that he treats me the worst. I get that if he considers someone an expert he respects them. And this is why, even when he's angry with his father, he does what he's told and is respectful to him. He's a teacher. Therefore he's an expert. But me? I clearly know nothing. He won't believe things I say unless he runs it by his dad. Wtf? It's getting old but I deal with it and his dad backs me up. But this past week, he has told me he wishes his dad had met another woman and that I had never been his mom. He's not just saying words. He means it. He has told me he hates me. I'm mean. (Again, not in the way an NT kid might say it as they grow up, I can see in the look on his face that he's not trying to hurt me, he's being real and blunt and true to how he feels, and this is why it is so upsetting!). He set up booby traps in his room when he went to bed with a note that was hanging from it. "I hate you mom". Ouch. That hurt. Bad. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">So that was my week. How was yours?</span></div>Patty mcmommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13002394421393958031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8543751294599835969.post-21293064810490246802014-05-28T23:02:00.001-07:002014-08-04T22:57:33.574-07:00Pull up a chairWell, hello again. Nice of you to joIn me here, pull up a chair and stay For awhile? Glad u stopped by, I've Missed yoU hard, like seriously yo. Its nIce to See That you have popped In, gives me some sense of faLse hope that in this big old worLd maybe just maybe I'm special? Nah prolly just curiosity but hey I'll take whatever attention I can get right? Don't worry, I won't telL anyOne you're here, secret is safe with me B) Anyways I'm always right here., eVEn when I'm quiet, I'm here. Just for shits and giggles feel free to say hi. I know u won't, who am I kidding? I know, I know, you gotta go. And who knows if yoU will come back? I can always hope, right? There always a chair right here....Patty mcmommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13002394421393958031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8543751294599835969.post-44692115189151947502014-05-18T22:17:00.002-07:002014-06-03T21:46:33.370-07:00Stumbling around lostThat's the best way I can describe this past, what, almost year? I'm just lost. That's all I can say. I'm searching for my answer...... Never to find it methinks.<br>
Or maybe that's how it's always supposed to be for me? Always getting close enough and then the rug gets pulled from under me? Anyways just ignore my babbling. I can't turn off or stop how I feel. IFMU. I can try to ignore that I'm stumbling around, but stumble I do. They say time heals all wounds, I don't think I believe that. Because every day that passes? The pain doesn't let up. Not for even a day. *just keep swimming*......Patty mcmommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13002394421393958031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8543751294599835969.post-19984212056671670182013-11-24T16:21:00.000-08:002013-11-24T16:21:33.437-08:00It's official<br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">My son is autistic. Official diagnosis: Autism Spectrum Disorder, ASD. </span><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYvWrvrpHBGdSW3_fSON9Nq_lvKuVczbJ2l7qN15hEvHq6BIBYMjMKSU_NCU04Jg-mVj7IptfwXKaT8MgLgzj2KxUXKN_4wUgXnCoDiX8dfXKW1xqg4cO3UmRKSyx3zfc10Dfn4GF2-B8/s1600/photo+2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYvWrvrpHBGdSW3_fSON9Nq_lvKuVczbJ2l7qN15hEvHq6BIBYMjMKSU_NCU04Jg-mVj7IptfwXKaT8MgLgzj2KxUXKN_4wUgXnCoDiX8dfXKW1xqg4cO3UmRKSyx3zfc10Dfn4GF2-B8/s1600/photo+2.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I've suspected as much since he was a baby, but only left it at the thought in the back of my mind. Always there. Always nagging at me. Sure I asked the pediatrician a few times but was always told things like "it sounds like he needs a snack, when blood sugar level drops children can have difficulty dealing with things and can throw fits". But the fits he has always thrown are unlike any I've witnessed from other children. His anxiety and distress is severe and there is no off switch. No carrot to dangle, no punishment to threaten will prevent a meltdown. Once triggered, a meltdown can go for hours and will only stop when he's ready. The parroting, the tics to soothe himself, so many behaviors that are not seen in a neurotypical child have always been there. As the days, months, and years have passed, they are always there. He's going to be 8 in just over a week, and over the years I had hoped, knowing it wasn't going to happen but hoping nonetheless, that he would "outgrow" the things that make that voice scream at me that there is something wrong. </span><br />
<div>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">So I turned to the internet. To my friends on twitter. To anywhere I could find some information and it became apparent that AJ had all the characteristics of Aspergers. A few twitter friends with experience in ASD encouraged me to get him assessed. They helped me to realize that his behaviors were because of the ASD. First I went to my insurance website and found a child psychiatrist who specialized in ASD. That was a waste. The guy did no assessment. He dropped a file and asked AJ for it, when he picked it up as directed the Dr said "thank you", and because AJ has learned good manners and said quietly "you're welcome" the Dr surmised that AJ has ADHD and not ASD. Wait, what‽ So according to this guy, spending 30 seconds with my son is long enough to diagnose anything‽ Um, no. But I did feel defeated. As though I had nowhere else to turn. But again my friends encouraged me to not give up. So I didn't. I remembered a patient at work whose mother works in the schools with autistic kids to be sure they are getting the assistance they deserve. I talked to her and she gave me the name of the Dr who would help us. AJ was finally given a proper assessment as well as being observed at school by this Dr, who gave us the diagnosis. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The funny thing? My emotional reaction to it. If the report came back saying he wasn't on the spectrum, I know I would have said "BULLSHIT!" But to see it in writing? The diagnosis that I have always really known? It was still hard to swallow. It changes nothing in terms of how I feel about my son. And I wouldn't change him for the world. I know him. I know he is a loving, caring boy. Others may see him as unfeeling, unempathetic, and even spoiled. But I know him and couldn't love him any more. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"></span> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUv0WdV8g4-weUquZTu9ZSejBE-lR6ztDQbZA3cOWPoOqHhESzyD7zEhmI42k60pgdke8BH6JOZ7OxEjY_luCK3kpHPj7vdvKSkFDhovY4Fg2BZBkEewJF89urqtEYXQtVXs7uWbz7OJQ/s1600/photo+1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUv0WdV8g4-weUquZTu9ZSejBE-lR6ztDQbZA3cOWPoOqHhESzyD7zEhmI42k60pgdke8BH6JOZ7OxEjY_luCK3kpHPj7vdvKSkFDhovY4Fg2BZBkEewJF89urqtEYXQtVXs7uWbz7OJQ/s1600/photo+1.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
</div>
<div>
<div style="clear: both;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"></span> </div>
<div style="clear: both;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"></span> </div>
<div style="clear: both;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">S</span><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">o now I feel a bit overwhelmed. There's a lot to take in. To learn. To do. But at least now we have something to go on. The ball is rolling and now we have a chance to help him grow up and get him the help he needs to be successful in school. We have answers as to why he does the things he does. I'm more understanding when a meltdown happens and there's less yelling (from me) as it won't help and doesn't make anybody feel better. </span></div>
</div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">He knows he is different. He confided in me that the kids at school think he is "weird". I haven't told him anything about ASD or that he has it. I am hoping to get guidance from a support group as to how and when to teach him about it. I'm not embarrassed about it and he shouldn't be either, so when the time is right and I know how to, I will explain it to him.</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIAdoMx5bo3ue-34hyphenhyphen1YDIVndr7Yy-PBIuSCPsTxkPnJPm0pyaRO6tUcj5SnhzRgW_N99J6_hacCHBEpxQ2wZtiQovqa-yNu8p6UiISVBXHhDsTkAlU9tgqVB_MhvFuiiJ7KGRLWmBH9A/s1600/photo+3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIAdoMx5bo3ue-34hyphenhyphen1YDIVndr7Yy-PBIuSCPsTxkPnJPm0pyaRO6tUcj5SnhzRgW_N99J6_hacCHBEpxQ2wZtiQovqa-yNu8p6UiISVBXHhDsTkAlU9tgqVB_MhvFuiiJ7KGRLWmBH9A/s1600/photo+3.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<span id="goog_151367896"></span><span id="goog_151367897"></span><br />
</div>
Patty mcmommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13002394421393958031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8543751294599835969.post-64557622336633218272012-04-14T22:08:00.000-07:002012-04-14T22:08:34.237-07:00Yet again I have been slacking....It seems I am constantly asking myself where the time has gone....<br />
constantly.<br />
But there's nothing I can do but keep moving forward and try to keep up, or at least fake it a little better!<br />
<br />
So what to tell you about.....<br />
YES, I DID run the 1/2 marathon on January 15th!!! See?!!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigAVe5TbXRRnnnmSryeq8Lec-YxAT_Vm8nTVERtWH1fT1iXMAVo2E73R76NDypKXU5kiaxHLLy_4rTUkwZLIrWT7e3mFCuIfGiHk_M5keuNZr6YvS-gRw0TFpkfFP0pKn_omdH9fdAMwc/s1600/iphone1-29-12+024.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigAVe5TbXRRnnnmSryeq8Lec-YxAT_Vm8nTVERtWH1fT1iXMAVo2E73R76NDypKXU5kiaxHLLy_4rTUkwZLIrWT7e3mFCuIfGiHk_M5keuNZr6YvS-gRw0TFpkfFP0pKn_omdH9fdAMwc/s320/iphone1-29-12+024.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">This was when I was almost finished, got a huge burst of energy when I saw my family there! Almost done!!!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit0tRCsaeLJcrZD8EcsdGXR7cn_9BWKSvr12ymkoMui3UMRga8Z3JFJl9YATmRBl9FfXRf5cXI6s0gUgCwO9Zw7AO-1BgZSJ9Rgta9mqXNuLiJUWY1r-bp3ixj8psBDiHE7wAqc_2AmOg/s1600/iphone1-29-12+028.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit0tRCsaeLJcrZD8EcsdGXR7cn_9BWKSvr12ymkoMui3UMRga8Z3JFJl9YATmRBl9FfXRf5cXI6s0gUgCwO9Zw7AO-1BgZSJ9Rgta9mqXNuLiJUWY1r-bp3ixj8psBDiHE7wAqc_2AmOg/s320/iphone1-29-12+028.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Right after finishing!!! Surprisingly, I felt really good!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh32yrAaMXHUoWHLhDkXPU9D6Wr19B-CK1ZfwkLvcB7wxH3ejWF7efvPkROOf7PgIqktjuisZw1VuKsF2e_TIQXZ1IGuy7vkxQxVeLpf5qFUxnhv3MRMV921Q4UcSP8Qg962E365KGqAc/s1600/iphone1-29-12+030.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh32yrAaMXHUoWHLhDkXPU9D6Wr19B-CK1ZfwkLvcB7wxH3ejWF7efvPkROOf7PgIqktjuisZw1VuKsF2e_TIQXZ1IGuy7vkxQxVeLpf5qFUxnhv3MRMV921Q4UcSP8Qg962E365KGqAc/s320/iphone1-29-12+030.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div align="left">Anyways, the run was amazing and I can't wait to run many more, and do the whole marathon like I had planned! But TBH, I know that a whole would have been entirely too much for a very first race ever!</div><div align="left"><br />
</div><div align="left">What else....</div><div align="left">Well we got to experience the first of our children taking the scissors to her hair! Yep, I'm so not kidding....</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEituit9WQGFZj5lq_UexTOWXQceKrtcLN-euJNi_xj2SJqC_00X8tNVp5h9cFtqmqmSFZjlsIVKhPhTDbWlLprKQmLcubTP9IZCdSrVOhiNe8ew2Qwi2XPYLwNH_rE2Q2wHEDxtJrKcA4I/s1600/iphone3.12+146.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEituit9WQGFZj5lq_UexTOWXQceKrtcLN-euJNi_xj2SJqC_00X8tNVp5h9cFtqmqmSFZjlsIVKhPhTDbWlLprKQmLcubTP9IZCdSrVOhiNe8ew2Qwi2XPYLwNH_rE2Q2wHEDxtJrKcA4I/s320/iphone3.12+146.JPG" width="239" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">See the<strong> loverly</strong> bangs she made??? Actually they didn't turn out that bad, but very short and, well I decided it was time for a change after she did this...... sooooo......</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMkCAzKALdbCdftpgjhjTVwDK1iiTtg7nSPSkgQ9GS4Qf1K3s0sEHCDF1QfEVUINOUbVDRNN4vhoRAYEdC70BByjp7R4SiO0oLM1bkHogsUmZMl_AHJt2sY6dmzZu0npfKjN94N3IG_7k/s1600/iphone3.12+151.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMkCAzKALdbCdftpgjhjTVwDK1iiTtg7nSPSkgQ9GS4Qf1K3s0sEHCDF1QfEVUINOUbVDRNN4vhoRAYEdC70BByjp7R4SiO0oLM1bkHogsUmZMl_AHJt2sY6dmzZu0npfKjN94N3IG_7k/s320/iphone3.12+151.JPG" width="239" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCg0vnQ4MjH9ZYrzvUAjsccU1wT725xQBAd4GzcnKWuqLeb8YLTaf5zuE0ikAnItWOXXsw50fpq0tab01Z3dGsZtMcpMYMBqBcrGtQ2FyiwxxA7pbxFX-Qh3qaHUXQWyMaVQmMIG1HPJE/s1600/iphone3.12+181.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCg0vnQ4MjH9ZYrzvUAjsccU1wT725xQBAd4GzcnKWuqLeb8YLTaf5zuE0ikAnItWOXXsw50fpq0tab01Z3dGsZtMcpMYMBqBcrGtQ2FyiwxxA7pbxFX-Qh3qaHUXQWyMaVQmMIG1HPJE/s320/iphone3.12+181.JPG" width="239" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Now she has a little pixie cut:) </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Yes Amylia is growing a ton.... until I compare her to other kids her age and then I am reminded what a little sweet pea she is! Crossing fingers she can brake the 30 pound mark for her 5th Birthday....</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">AJ? Well he is never without excitement.....</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">In February, he really gave us a scare. He came down with some strep infection that was a complication of Chicken Pox, he then gave me and Ashlynn Strep... and then to top it off, a complication arose from his infection.... he came down with vasculitis. His legs got what looked like a rash on them, they were visibly swollen, and it started rising up his legs. To top it off he was suddenly in so much pain that he couldn't walk. I ended up taking him to Urgent Care to be told that it was vasculitis and that there was nothing that we could do and he could possibly be unable to walk for a month. HOLY SHIT <strike>I totally had trouble coping with this and might have totally freaked out</strike>, er I mean I handled it so well (ok fine, I freaked out!). It was scary as hell.... but luckily it only lasted a couple of days, and he was back to himself in no time! WHEW!!! And here he is on Easter playing soccer with his cousin...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhH9Rvcvq9Y9m82YvBVp4tkagl_2krLm-Lu9EXKBEEFwMS9kwbGKb760XZCeG0r2fkmT3zLVStHRPa_mnnk8zKCWbUN6mJyBGCe16bIagYqgzbOarm-XONDXwF95kclsS4dMmvRa6PNAEM/s1600/iphone4.14.12+064.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhH9Rvcvq9Y9m82YvBVp4tkagl_2krLm-Lu9EXKBEEFwMS9kwbGKb760XZCeG0r2fkmT3zLVStHRPa_mnnk8zKCWbUN6mJyBGCe16bIagYqgzbOarm-XONDXwF95kclsS4dMmvRa6PNAEM/s320/iphone4.14.12+064.JPG" width="239" /></a></div><div align="left" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And finally, Ashlynn...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">What can I say about this beautiful girl that amazes me every day?! This girl is growing up too fast!!!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">She is enjoying 7th grade and also butting heads with me.... *sigh*</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjC7rQshOAfew9qi2_j04CB3aa9ynOywCHWj-Y4p_Csn1vL7gE_e9NMLUnif_aMG1r-9oXWGxWodfnsm5qAZ0GpmWkZcDR2BP2ZfmHCBjR_Qd79yJ4N8drjXNng7exkgYqCE96aXvoz61M/s1600/iphone3.12+017.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjC7rQshOAfew9qi2_j04CB3aa9ynOywCHWj-Y4p_Csn1vL7gE_e9NMLUnif_aMG1r-9oXWGxWodfnsm5qAZ0GpmWkZcDR2BP2ZfmHCBjR_Qd79yJ4N8drjXNng7exkgYqCE96aXvoz61M/s320/iphone3.12+017.JPG" width="239" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8DiMRbEJV5CcrSCNYKngnLRiLJUXc2KPgbonBKXKICibhDk4rDiwexB9u8_sLYMUfurGz4E8JIzDmEHh2XZp2cqX8pdI-k4FtUIvoDdTsLqftG6KU7kOZC_T_Rs2BwVzsaVx0LOcFW5w/s1600/iphone3.12+189.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8DiMRbEJV5CcrSCNYKngnLRiLJUXc2KPgbonBKXKICibhDk4rDiwexB9u8_sLYMUfurGz4E8JIzDmEHh2XZp2cqX8pdI-k4FtUIvoDdTsLqftG6KU7kOZC_T_Rs2BwVzsaVx0LOcFW5w/s320/iphone3.12+189.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And there we have it......</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">and hopefully I will be a good girl and blog a little more often...(I make no promises, but really how many of ya really care??? lol!! I kid, and I DO love all of you that are reading this, pinkie promise!)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">xoxo-</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">me</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div align="left"></div>Patty mcmommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13002394421393958031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8543751294599835969.post-8112616260544571802012-01-07T21:57:00.000-08:002012-01-07T21:57:44.508-08:00Sense and sensibilityNo, not like the Jane Austen story, but like the kind that I don't exercise nearly as often as I should. As in, all to often I haz none of that there sense and sensibility, so I'm making an effort here to use some... this time at least! <br />
So I told y'all awhile back that I was registered to run the marathon that is scheduled for next week. I have been training (outside of my injury that took me out for almost 3 months!!), but it has been hanging over my head if I would be able to get the miles in that I need to do in order to be ready for the marathon. I simply have not been able to log the miles. I'm just not where I should be. <br />
So the time came to decide if I should reconsider racing in the marathon. I have no doubt that I could do it, finish it, but I know at this point that the amount of walking that would take place is just so much more than I had imagined and that is a serious disappointment. I have not stopped my training, and am not quitting, but I know that it is not wise to think that I am ready for a marathon. <br />
To be honest, it was going to be my first race ever. I haven't been a runner for that long, and when I set my goal for the marathon, I really felt that it was an achievable goal. Then I fell and hurt my knee. I wanted to run so bad. And I just....couldn't. This sucked so incredibly badly. But I healed and I still had time to train if I really pushed myself. Or maybe I was delusional.<br />
I have this habit of doing this sort of thing to myself. I set goals that are a bit high. Not that it is a bad thing to set high goals. This is why I do it. I aim high. Go big or go home, dammit! Yeah, there is a history for me of setting goals that I am not able to reach. My husband knows this about me. I'm sure he expected it all along really, and I don't mean that in a bad way. he just knows me well. He knows I have big dreams and am too stubborn to realize when setting my goals that maybe I should start small. Its true. I mean, who decides they want to be a runner (with no real athletic history other than watching sports on television) and sets their first race goal of running a marathon? Patty does, that's who.<br />
After discussing my running history and training progress with my running friends and my husband, I have decided that the smart thing for me to do would be to set a more realistic and attainable goal of running the 1/2 marathon instead of the whole marathon. I would be lying if I said that a small part of me is not completely disappointed in myself for having to change this goal. But I'm just doing my best to ignore that bitch (inside of me) and focus on the fact that I should be proud that I am running, that I will run a 1/2 marathon. This is a pretty big accomplishment for me, I need to remember this.<br />
Next week, on January 15th, I will run my very first race, the PF Chang's Rock and Roll 1/2 marathon in Tempe Arizona. I'm not concerned with the time it takes me. The run is definitely something I can do, and I will have a first official race under my belt. The first of many....Patty mcmommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13002394421393958031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8543751294599835969.post-13244829671947640382011-10-01T20:11:00.000-07:002011-10-01T20:11:45.365-07:00I think I can?Here we are, October already. I guess some of you call it "Fall"? I don't know anything about that... I live in Hell, remember? So, yeah, here in Arizona there is no such thing as "Fall". <br />
I guess I can't complain, it is cooling down a little. Hell, it's only 89 degrees right now! (of course it *is* 8:00 pm, lol!) But anyways, it is cool enough now that I can run outside in the mornings (on the weekend for my longer runs), and it is such a nice change!<br />
I don't really have too much to say. Been pretty "blah" lately. Was sick for about a week, still actually getting over it, and just feeling down and discontent with too many aspects of my life. It's not really like me, I'm always a positive person, and I know this will pass and miss "glass half full" will be back in no time because I'm really not one to dwell on the negatives. If I did I think it would consume me and I would be in a very dark place. I always used to believe that if I work hard enough I can reach any goals I set for myself, but lately I am acutely aware that maybe some dreams are just meant to be that... dreams. <br />
But tomorrow I will lace up my shoes, get out the door nice and early and run my sadness away. I expect there to be a bit of pain, I haven't run since my 6 mile run last Saturday, but for some strange reason I am looking forward to it. I find when I run it's very calming for me. The sense of accomplishment when I am done and the goal I am working towards brings me happiness that I *CAN* do this. And if I can do this running thing, I know I can do anything. Patty mcmommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13002394421393958031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8543751294599835969.post-11381740226871993642011-09-05T20:43:00.000-07:002011-09-05T20:43:28.319-07:00What's new?Well here we are, more time has passed, everything has changed yet stayed the same all at once. So what's been going on with you? Me? Well.....<br />
The kids started school almost a month ago. My little baby boy is in Kindergarten!!! How the hell did that happen????? And don't even get me started on my girl, started 7th grade! JUNIOR HIGH!!! And yes, because this is how my mind works.... Holy shit Mia is gonna start Kindergarten NEXT YEAR!!! Don't get me wrong, the idea of not paying as much for daycare as we have been paying sounds like all colors of amazing, but I'm just sooooo not ready for all of this!!! They are my BABIES! <br />
But, as time does, it just keeps on marching along, whether or not I am ready for it...<br />
<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEbUn00iXYlKfxzHI_A0Q4gaxCz2bPG55Yr5PNFYiWqZJ1Qja4mvJnlH87QF00E8IDtbXe0zVpyNk_O9c5QgRejBg7Jz3LpRJ9YwD13X07YhwRlx4nfmBrM6vAm1-dF5iTuwjdvcLkAF4/s1600/ashaj.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" nba="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEbUn00iXYlKfxzHI_A0Q4gaxCz2bPG55Yr5PNFYiWqZJ1Qja4mvJnlH87QF00E8IDtbXe0zVpyNk_O9c5QgRejBg7Jz3LpRJ9YwD13X07YhwRlx4nfmBrM6vAm1-dF5iTuwjdvcLkAF4/s320/ashaj.jpg" width="239" /></a></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"></div>Ashlynn and AJ on the first day of School <div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">... And of course Mia had to join in!!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2jadnIMjyTS4r67VGsujLcvPAPhCoE08TYDhTOnqFUHgrsvIhoOE32MMsjQuz2os9Uisgd9Cb1AOVESpnhiFRIKGuzAy__jX3GF8XyaFcKTBIkBtf6-ex3vxqydANiMECYNJGOu_3w2w/s1600/ashajmia.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" nba="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2jadnIMjyTS4r67VGsujLcvPAPhCoE08TYDhTOnqFUHgrsvIhoOE32MMsjQuz2os9Uisgd9Cb1AOVESpnhiFRIKGuzAy__jX3GF8XyaFcKTBIkBtf6-ex3vxqydANiMECYNJGOu_3w2w/s320/ashajmia.jpg" width="239" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">So one would think I would have been a mess? I sure as hell thought I would be and I just KNEW there would be tears on my part.... but there weren't! Somehow (only God knows how really), I mustered up the strength to stay composed and I didn't even shed one single tear! To be honest, I *almost* started flowing tears when the teacher read "The Kissing Hand" to the class. So that is when I made my exit from the classroom, LOL!</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">So the kids are loving school and it's all good and all that crap. Oh yeah, and me.. I'm in school as well. Stupid fucking class that I will conquer (this time) or it will conquer me. There is no in between. I will either do this shit, or I will die trying. Literally. *sigh* No I am doing ok in it, but I'm terrified to get cocky and think I'm on top of it....So I'm not going to speak of stupid class again until it is over....</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">My injury from my fall at the grocery store? It's not totally healed yet. It is finally starting to heal, but believe it or not, the ankle and knee are still swollen and the spectra of colors is still present. Lets be honest here, it ain't pretty. Not that my legs ever were... But now? Not pretty.</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">And running? Still not a possibility, which is absolutely killing me. For reals. And who would think I would miss the little things, like seriously when on earth will I ever be able to go down on my knees for anything again? OMG, now don't go all pervy on my, sheesh, I don't mean anything like that! (or do I? LOL!) I mean, take for instance, when I go to get a folder at work or turn on a certain computer, I used to be able to just get on my knees and do it, but not anymore. Oh, wait, I <em>didn't</em> need to explain myself? Your mind <em>didn't go there</em>? Oh my. *awkward*..</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">Well, still dealing with the Albertson's claim as well. Now they are telling me that they could not find the fall on tape... very interesting as I told them the time it happened (within 20 minutes) and where it happened at. And to check it, I went into the store and looked at the area where I fell. Wow, 3 cameras within very close proximity of where I fell, and then a total of 5 or 6 that I could see from the area where I fell. So I emailed them a picture of exactly where my knee hit the ground so that they can review the tapes again. And now I wait and see...</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">And there you have it my friends! My life, in a nutshell... for today at least! Well, there *is* more that I could talk about, but I'm not gonna today, cuz that's just how I roll....</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div>Patty mcmommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13002394421393958031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8543751294599835969.post-72549709906600062042011-08-21T19:11:00.000-07:002011-08-24T15:11:01.339-07:00hurtI haven't blogged in a long time. Apparently it is more of the norm and not the exception for my blogging habits. But then I think about it, and really it's not like this is a highly read blog. Looking at how often people comment on my blog, I sometimes wonder if I should just shut this thing down because it's not like it's really anything but pieces of me that I decide to share. But then again, it IS pieces of me; and if people want to read and comment then AWESOME, and if they don't, then oh well.<br />
I do wonder often who is looking at my blog. This is one reason I love comments. I remember each of the people that comment, and it lets me know that they care, or that they are nosey (LOL, I'm KIDDING!!!)! I can see when my blog is visited and where from. Often I can see the location and know who it was, and it makes my heart a little happy. And then there are others. Like, take for instance, the person that regularly visits from Russia. OH how I wonder who it is! Just comment already?!!! It's-a-makin-me-crazy! LOL!<br />
Ok, so now for what I came here to write before I went off on a tangent! LOL!<br />
I'm hurt. If you follow me on twitter, you know all too well what I am talking about, because I have bitched and moaned quite a bit about this, but other then my twitter friends I haven't really told anyone. Now don't you feel special if you had the privilege of reading all of my complaints? Well, you SHOULD! :P<br />
So what happened? Well, if you know me and how graceful I am, this will come as a shock (shut up), but I fell. And when I say I fell, I mean I fell good and hard. I'm nothing if not an over achiever!!!<br />
Just over 2 weeks ago, I was at the Albertson's grocery store near my work for a quick errand on my lunch. I walked in, and pretty much immediately hit the floor. There was a wet spot on the floor, and of course I was lucky enough to be the one to discover it, because I'm just all sorts of awesome like that!!<br />
When I fell, yes, it hurt really bad on the knee that I landed on, but I really just felt stupid for having fallen, so when I looked around and saw that nobody had even noticed, I got up, dusted myself off, and limped about my business. I was in a hurry, and besides, it was probably nothing, right? Not to mention the fact that I felt like a total idiot, and being the nonconfrontational, doesn't like to be noticed kinda gal that I am, I didn't want to raise a fuss.<br />
Well, by the time I got back to the office, it looked like this...<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1rV_rxNuOZGrgJ5quuyZMN61hkz-WKi0Smi50kEsLRlc88VkQASsNG4qR1oS6cqinzCBbONNwZJD9Fz4KA34oVAECvB0AXNLBkb0HQAkMV1U_cTDZJFqpXoy4hvoltGPjS1RH0qrOmSQ/s1600/7-8-11+076.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" qaa="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1rV_rxNuOZGrgJ5quuyZMN61hkz-WKi0Smi50kEsLRlc88VkQASsNG4qR1oS6cqinzCBbONNwZJD9Fz4KA34oVAECvB0AXNLBkb0HQAkMV1U_cTDZJFqpXoy4hvoltGPjS1RH0qrOmSQ/s320/7-8-11+076.JPG" width="239" /></a></div>Swollen much? Holy shit it got huge! Like really swollen like I could not have imagined! <br />
I elevated it, iced it, etc, but it kept getting worse. Then I started to worry that something could be broken, but decided to wait and see.<br />
So the day ended, I hobbled to my car and realized I could hardly get in the car because I physically could not bend it. Shit. So I got myself home where I tried to go about my business but couldn't. Then the aleve started to wear off, and what I thought had been hurting terribly became even worse. I called all of the urgent care's around and they had all closed at 7pm!!! So Joe and I discussed it and I went to the ER to get it checked because the pain really was unbearable and I was getting worried that I might have broken something. <br />
Here's how it looked when I was at the ER...<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD_CMe9hz43PiBX-ZeRhIZAU0ndyfiUhhviVsYyCaNjJi7Vo6ZoyHlHN7EM_2Ym7TY8KSWed035EcUAK-PjocSe_Kq8qNvmrS9PSalyjjbTgseVnsAbg6M-MAKeY36_-Y5V0YAG6-AujM/s1600/7-8-11+085.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" qaa="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD_CMe9hz43PiBX-ZeRhIZAU0ndyfiUhhviVsYyCaNjJi7Vo6ZoyHlHN7EM_2Ym7TY8KSWed035EcUAK-PjocSe_Kq8qNvmrS9PSalyjjbTgseVnsAbg6M-MAKeY36_-Y5V0YAG6-AujM/s320/7-8-11+085.PNG" width="213" /></a></div>They told me it was not broken (after several painful xrays), called it a contusion and wrapped it, gave me crutches and some strong pain meds and sent me home. I was told it would probably take 8-10 days to get better and that it shouldn't permanently damage my knee or affect my running. WHEW!!!<br />
Well here we are, 16 days later, my knee is still very swollen (and hot to the touch), and that bruise? OMG how it has traveled down my leg as has the pain!!!<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3xUfEIJN1MgRadIcPOxbvogM71-EMnC-3OkuwlIZeXo6WiGitgNtM52eJYm7iGHGLC0ptQh_iFt1I_IitTKIdB6OddgcRm8Esb0QTLkta0TuDeKiICs9PhVS5HpAc20J-sToZSjS3jWE/s1600/7-8-11+256.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" qaa="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3xUfEIJN1MgRadIcPOxbvogM71-EMnC-3OkuwlIZeXo6WiGitgNtM52eJYm7iGHGLC0ptQh_iFt1I_IitTKIdB6OddgcRm8Esb0QTLkta0TuDeKiICs9PhVS5HpAc20J-sToZSjS3jWE/s320/7-8-11+256.JPG" width="239" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpNrjmCgEF633q5r7WcxXGCxA-kezfPtpU_z2HBwzGqTaLgzjeJgscX5jSnElt2VWlWzLy5YyG9LAt-NmZfZcDO5YLZZY33anRomHS2iviwLpHuKXKgJVJyxHNmvmscJ1w46jci6lMqto/s1600/7-8-11+273.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" qaa="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpNrjmCgEF633q5r7WcxXGCxA-kezfPtpU_z2HBwzGqTaLgzjeJgscX5jSnElt2VWlWzLy5YyG9LAt-NmZfZcDO5YLZZY33anRomHS2iviwLpHuKXKgJVJyxHNmvmscJ1w46jci6lMqto/s320/7-8-11+273.JPG" width="239" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">And even my ankle is now purple and swollen...</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2gxBVTa0r6o_TsTWdV1cGkLIfV5imhNGYj7IBTLCPaLMMS__YhA679g3BrQ0BNZZB820S93vs0pSFzhi1ugBkALOFATnLU1Paf_vVEEbCpUcTxHTY4siAuhGnjvWB-X4qjBigFLBh0RM/s1600/photo+5.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" qaa="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2gxBVTa0r6o_TsTWdV1cGkLIfV5imhNGYj7IBTLCPaLMMS__YhA679g3BrQ0BNZZB820S93vs0pSFzhi1ugBkALOFATnLU1Paf_vVEEbCpUcTxHTY4siAuhGnjvWB-X4qjBigFLBh0RM/s320/photo+5.JPG" width="239" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4Ub5ZhGP_XleOCmiJv5GU-_Hl-QEqzYP4WOPjQc9swUa7MDe_dzpUYqEKMm3l8JMcw167l4WetjNlv3HNVroYrz90EEzBqWL86_RxwEFRVYTyMOZXRoK7yqt8VESoScHfDzGvrlH17GE/s1600/7-8-11+271.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" qaa="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4Ub5ZhGP_XleOCmiJv5GU-_Hl-QEqzYP4WOPjQc9swUa7MDe_dzpUYqEKMm3l8JMcw167l4WetjNlv3HNVroYrz90EEzBqWL86_RxwEFRVYTyMOZXRoK7yqt8VESoScHfDzGvrlH17GE/s320/7-8-11+271.JPG" width="239" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">So yeah, I'm now feeling pretty stupid for not having reported it the minute it happened. Especially after having to pay my hospital copay (ouch!). But honestly, I really didn't expect that it would put me out of commission this long! </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">And my running???? WTF?!!!! I have been unable to run! TBH, I had been slacking a bit this summer on the running. I have been running, but not the long ones I was doing before summer started. So I now feel helpless and like I have taken like 20 steps backwards since I can hardly walk, let alone run! </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">So the past 16 days I have gone from feeling like it'll be better in no time, to feeling like my leg is never gonna recover, and also feeling like I am getting fatter and fatter and fatter just sitting here with my leg elevated :(</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">So that is what has been going on in the world of Patty. Hopefully next time I will have been running and will be ready for my marathon in January!!! (holy shit)</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">******UPDATE******</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I went to the Dr. on Monday. My subcutaneous prepatellar bursa is inflammed. So, the injury caused bursitis, which will take time to heal. I will probably go to another doctor for possible injections and/or other treatment, according to my Doctor. I had more xrays today as well. Also, I did contact the store where it happened and they have opened up a claim. We shall see what happens...</div><div align="left" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div>Patty mcmommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13002394421393958031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8543751294599835969.post-88391529212464469052011-05-30T22:45:00.000-07:002011-05-30T22:45:41.689-07:00What do you see?<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsuCzxRRiL9FJTEtXYbS3BQwbNAYXpqh1gkGtx1RxFXps6rhKWYCNndesHbLnsy1UR633vY5T7TK13d69Gdp-RrE5jx_QjcsSKxrDhhaZtx0FieL2A2mS5uUcwDGduSm84faI7H2L5E10/s1600/iphone5-11+576.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsuCzxRRiL9FJTEtXYbS3BQwbNAYXpqh1gkGtx1RxFXps6rhKWYCNndesHbLnsy1UR633vY5T7TK13d69Gdp-RrE5jx_QjcsSKxrDhhaZtx0FieL2A2mS5uUcwDGduSm84faI7H2L5E10/s320/iphone5-11+576.JPG" t8="true" width="240" /></a>When you look in the mirror, what do you see? I'll tell you what I see, please comment and tell me what your reflection is...</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">When I look in the mirror I see Joy. Happiness. Pain. Sadness. Hope. Disappointment. Strength. Fear. Resilience. Weakness. Experience. Inadequacy. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I see a girl, a woman, both young and old.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I see someone who is a disappointment to some, an inspiration to others.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I see someone who is dying to break out of her shell and be the woman she believes she was born to be.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I see someone who will not quit, will not give up. Failure is not an option. But, then again, failure is not only an option, but also a shitty reality. How else do we learn if not for our failures?</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I see someone who absolutely loathes her physical reflection, who hides from the camera because someday she will look the way she thinks she should look and THEN she will allow photos. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">When I look in the mirror, my reflection is actually a good 100-200 pounds more then I know that I am. Will that ever go away, I wonder? If I ever get my body the way I want it to be, will I actually see and appreciate who I am? </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I see someone who wants to make a difference in this world, but also someone who struggles and sometimes needs a helping hand herself.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I see someone who is fiercely independent, but who also needs to be held up and supported at times.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I see a leader. No, I can't say I'm really a follower! Although if I love you, I love you fiercely and will follow you to the edge of the earth, even if you don't want me to, in a non stalkerish (ok *maybe* in a stalkerish) sort of way.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I'm full of love, I love with loyalty, passion, and intensity.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I see a girl with piercings that would make many peoples' jaw drop (ok only 1 tattoo, so that won't count, lol!) </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">A crazy and adventurous, yet conservative girl. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Shy and outgoing all at the same time.</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-3TSuSCrpZWnBugTX7jD9x-D6Tt5owFwLoAexLfjh4CoCw604tUB7iC5Fplym_co9vo2TZltSJnkUVlJW3heMRpObUeI7miGF_vdk3XyUHeB6HgbjgoYYPglBEZ4T4lLrGaYLRkaKEmI/s1600/iphone5-11+694.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-3TSuSCrpZWnBugTX7jD9x-D6Tt5owFwLoAexLfjh4CoCw604tUB7iC5Fplym_co9vo2TZltSJnkUVlJW3heMRpObUeI7miGF_vdk3XyUHeB6HgbjgoYYPglBEZ4T4lLrGaYLRkaKEmI/s320/iphone5-11+694.JPG" t8="true" width="320" /></a></div>So now tell me, what do you see....Patty mcmommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13002394421393958031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8543751294599835969.post-8577043686337449782011-01-26T20:54:00.000-08:002011-01-26T20:54:33.880-08:001 month down...Well, here we are, almost 1 month down in this year! Who has stuck to their resolutions? LOL! As you know (or you should!), I didn't have any real "resolutions" this year, but I do believe that this will be the year that I better myself and become the person I am supposed to be. I can't say that I know yet who that girl is (I know this is getting a little off track, but am I too old to call myself a "girl" anymore? You know what? Hell's no, I'll call myself a "girl" until I decide to stop!), but I do know that I have been unhappy with who I have been for a long time. All around, not one specific thing. So this year, I am giving myself the attention I deserve, instead of always just ignoring my needs. Now, that doesn't mean that I am putting myself and my wants, needs, and desires above those of my children, lets not have crazy talk here! But I have learned how to make time for myself, how not to use my kids, my life, as an excuse for why I can't make time for myself. I have stayed on my regimen that I mentioned before, I still happily get up every morning ready to face the day at 4:30 am! I have never ever ever (I could really go on with the ever's, but I think you get the picture, no?) been a morning person, but now I cannot sleep late, I'm ready to get up and work out! So that has become a total habit, as have the nightly workouts, it feels so fucking good to run farther and farther, and faster and faster each night!! I won't talk numbers because frankly I was very pissed off at my scale when I got on it yesterday, but I won't let it get me down, instead I will just go back to staying off of the scale and not worry about what that bitch has to say!<br />
I have a long way to go, but hopefully at some point this year, I will be able to look at myself and be happy with the person that I see, knowing that she is taking care of herself and is truly happy.<br />
.....and for the kids....<br />
Of course I have new pictures of them!!!! We recently went to the snow in Flagstaff and they had a BLAST sledding and playing in the snow! So behold, the Mc-kiddo's fun snow day.....<br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh29hhpQU4tl_YI2P84_px8xdb35Ib4usFS8kYDCiw7g8hUPqOhsLQwc__xlQ_UfHrxdFGG12p2eahqQDwbinfkkzrezjdU-lAlpZK1q3RMgShWEIXZtPNj8heWP01PszTm9a7dgwfnfK8/s1600/jan2011+119.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh29hhpQU4tl_YI2P84_px8xdb35Ib4usFS8kYDCiw7g8hUPqOhsLQwc__xlQ_UfHrxdFGG12p2eahqQDwbinfkkzrezjdU-lAlpZK1q3RMgShWEIXZtPNj8heWP01PszTm9a7dgwfnfK8/s320/jan2011+119.JPG" width="213" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwSWOcbfflXfEEn6jELqkCerk-n4uyBiSCiU4lWN9tV7EPbOe94mEBi1mzQwVDRFLGcx36836-DXExnOvs0QoQX5nNqcVOiMj7l41wZafusjqke0yD2Ba-mwwWqnliIfB2S_oV8yJkF8Y/s1600/jan2011+036.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwSWOcbfflXfEEn6jELqkCerk-n4uyBiSCiU4lWN9tV7EPbOe94mEBi1mzQwVDRFLGcx36836-DXExnOvs0QoQX5nNqcVOiMj7l41wZafusjqke0yD2Ba-mwwWqnliIfB2S_oV8yJkF8Y/s320/jan2011+036.JPG" width="213" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil9tjMxCvFtlLc-F6A0ENpOYaMlrPnnMT4jJmnhyphenhyphenLcfINTu0x4ls_xYoG9cQSULQ53mxG5nPbpgAcgPFHchgWHSbfTj9nOCa5HBoUuOX682_eiar5aYjWeLuhoi2eKwtd65pR8lvEWOI4/s1600/jan2011+027.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil9tjMxCvFtlLc-F6A0ENpOYaMlrPnnMT4jJmnhyphenhyphenLcfINTu0x4ls_xYoG9cQSULQ53mxG5nPbpgAcgPFHchgWHSbfTj9nOCa5HBoUuOX682_eiar5aYjWeLuhoi2eKwtd65pR8lvEWOI4/s320/jan2011+027.JPG" width="213" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBWSzT6oB33C9K1iFm5-5xT5SAA0eoZhitbVmDEPE1Wz-L3LO8HeaKKKyKvAe8SIlV_QLR_AzaoNHAJdjyuWytM-Pp1HhP8Dh1oTI7mUV4IArTLPu_wXuQ2TXRNbytAl8Q6OTold5X1Fo/s1600/jan2011+138.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBWSzT6oB33C9K1iFm5-5xT5SAA0eoZhitbVmDEPE1Wz-L3LO8HeaKKKyKvAe8SIlV_QLR_AzaoNHAJdjyuWytM-Pp1HhP8Dh1oTI7mUV4IArTLPu_wXuQ2TXRNbytAl8Q6OTold5X1Fo/s320/jan2011+138.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKvMrLkIX-27FfJyvbTob2n6mnfm5T8nL5slHoiUx4UKYb1RfXKlO-MJR-Fktc9s8AN5SspQXda2uk_YZOAiKRO4VSvk99oaNoxnEKF_njfHwMYJ6E2o_pAdTBBvp0AA1Q6vwH1gk9-xM/s1600/jan2011+164.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKvMrLkIX-27FfJyvbTob2n6mnfm5T8nL5slHoiUx4UKYb1RfXKlO-MJR-Fktc9s8AN5SspQXda2uk_YZOAiKRO4VSvk99oaNoxnEKF_njfHwMYJ6E2o_pAdTBBvp0AA1Q6vwH1gk9-xM/s320/jan2011+164.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibmTdYYvFBl7vn2dVcShOmC-VzSxmQmdUBHJJS8BVl0mMlKVj1RS8yCEF6VZKBe1lQ3t1U7Rgvp-WUrv8foDFP7CyPtVOWha3SUcXsTVJfxHEtz-9eErxdtHXm2xcS8mY2bNQxyG7dPPw/s1600/jan2011+180.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibmTdYYvFBl7vn2dVcShOmC-VzSxmQmdUBHJJS8BVl0mMlKVj1RS8yCEF6VZKBe1lQ3t1U7Rgvp-WUrv8foDFP7CyPtVOWha3SUcXsTVJfxHEtz-9eErxdtHXm2xcS8mY2bNQxyG7dPPw/s320/jan2011+180.JPG" width="213" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4O3gBRC1s3uzyriKvcAO4NPPPHs28nBe_qbvUm1bq2-KezAp6hylrPy5Q0Jj63xWa6SIVxBgSWxwpcfkQm42cn8EE7KdS5OHZcQmO7xfgSJ97LeL6M9N87Q0pxNXrKgWoIMyiim1fP8g/s1600/jan2011+192.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4O3gBRC1s3uzyriKvcAO4NPPPHs28nBe_qbvUm1bq2-KezAp6hylrPy5Q0Jj63xWa6SIVxBgSWxwpcfkQm42cn8EE7KdS5OHZcQmO7xfgSJ97LeL6M9N87Q0pxNXrKgWoIMyiim1fP8g/s320/jan2011+192.JPG" width="213" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6Y6qXEYOuo-dr6DOhpyhhSwI2RjA7SEhzJ0FKRZc_XRkzIWf2Eh29oVeVic3OFCrc7i9egnQNGbWdtrTtcXk8ldAlygy_NxglDf6XmsxMejtoOGyRgN-pelr0PSDdONm-_m4ce1YqUu4/s1600/jan2011+195.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6Y6qXEYOuo-dr6DOhpyhhSwI2RjA7SEhzJ0FKRZc_XRkzIWf2Eh29oVeVic3OFCrc7i9egnQNGbWdtrTtcXk8ldAlygy_NxglDf6XmsxMejtoOGyRgN-pelr0PSDdONm-_m4ce1YqUu4/s320/jan2011+195.JPG" width="213" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2eHIVgM4aziryYCVcSUmGsw4SQv8fwkzl2v42-Uy5xhFyHiszCP0TU0nDEXDeL8VeGkH06_WLR8FoiLVHgJNx9o5V38GEnwKAPnAjm4VIn74pRV5Mp0jOtFKqnEqnryMsEPJ7aTfWkZc/s1600/jan2011+030.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2eHIVgM4aziryYCVcSUmGsw4SQv8fwkzl2v42-Uy5xhFyHiszCP0TU0nDEXDeL8VeGkH06_WLR8FoiLVHgJNx9o5V38GEnwKAPnAjm4VIn74pRV5Mp0jOtFKqnEqnryMsEPJ7aTfWkZc/s320/jan2011+030.JPG" style="cursor: move;" unselectable="on" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCwgxBKiJ7cVPQR-fZHIVp46yvMEUdRwgNGYwybG3Td0aHNJ-eP9l7byIwPG-M0bup5uUAFyHoZsWiBpYl-5Wwl1L9DrvuhWY2OMsb_PyRIP8r42pnpv707OPiYCAKnNCjTkp5jyGV_yg/s1600/jan2011+106.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCwgxBKiJ7cVPQR-fZHIVp46yvMEUdRwgNGYwybG3Td0aHNJ-eP9l7byIwPG-M0bup5uUAFyHoZsWiBpYl-5Wwl1L9DrvuhWY2OMsb_PyRIP8r42pnpv707OPiYCAKnNCjTkp5jyGV_yg/s320/jan2011+106.JPG" width="213" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD7GwK2IPTPaYEPyLqCbAErBWK84zoMpFDksyvqA18bcwwzGqDWJdbl9fVXoxIQZYjJK8LlI_MbTWNs9BHQYY2rxb3bmTBQRxjK5Mqe69cSPmQUPTomOsjXDpfmy6epCryRNZ-F3mRVv4/s1600/jan2011+115.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD7GwK2IPTPaYEPyLqCbAErBWK84zoMpFDksyvqA18bcwwzGqDWJdbl9fVXoxIQZYjJK8LlI_MbTWNs9BHQYY2rxb3bmTBQRxjK5Mqe69cSPmQUPTomOsjXDpfmy6epCryRNZ-F3mRVv4/s320/jan2011+115.JPG" width="213" /></a></div>Patty mcmommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13002394421393958031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8543751294599835969.post-53241323927400523742011-01-06T19:06:00.000-08:002011-01-06T19:22:53.379-08:00Christmas 2010<div><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxhHyhk49fIE37jcohTZFVPYgJRHxH4G2gvjCcwCxyjP9n8ZBVSjlJXA0_V46SmVfGPhoiB75s3eTZzjRP-jY8Vz6E2undhOsUhTwqoZbRIUHSGngxXWa-Qab0Mm2KsbIDJ9jTbBhN8NM/s1600/christmas2010+007.JPG"><img style="WIDTH: 214px; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5559276571655828530" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxhHyhk49fIE37jcohTZFVPYgJRHxH4G2gvjCcwCxyjP9n8ZBVSjlJXA0_V46SmVfGPhoiB75s3eTZzjRP-jY8Vz6E2undhOsUhTwqoZbRIUHSGngxXWa-Qab0Mm2KsbIDJ9jTbBhN8NM/s320/christmas2010+007.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN6PaBRnVbzz-Sacw_kThmNJcqDSGoKPouX-unzDobgLQCRT2jVi-P8txmaedpre-_4RBF8-50OdcbPwWvpbVaeeJNAICKEePDCA2rS9-mMW1ogf0AUwu17eRctI9GAT8TQVObwAtP1P8/s1600/christmas2010+040.JPG"><img style="WIDTH: 320px; HEIGHT: 214px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5559277012744547538" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN6PaBRnVbzz-Sacw_kThmNJcqDSGoKPouX-unzDobgLQCRT2jVi-P8txmaedpre-_4RBF8-50OdcbPwWvpbVaeeJNAICKEePDCA2rS9-mMW1ogf0AUwu17eRctI9GAT8TQVObwAtP1P8/s320/christmas2010+040.JPG" /></a> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaeY9kB8OM6LpFTWp2_aBZC9BWgdCLbLyVFwKJrh_GKQa1-uh5Xvgtsg5nUMQAYteVAi84iQ2i7lcIImHpS-XMRCHLnbu5CkxASJVPfULcvCn-HGo3SZN9UbTgUfopfH6jI6PSj2e15aI/s1600/christmas2010+025.JPG"><img style="WIDTH: 320px; HEIGHT: 214px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5559276778384806402" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaeY9kB8OM6LpFTWp2_aBZC9BWgdCLbLyVFwKJrh_GKQa1-uh5Xvgtsg5nUMQAYteVAi84iQ2i7lcIImHpS-XMRCHLnbu5CkxASJVPfULcvCn-HGo3SZN9UbTgUfopfH6jI6PSj2e15aI/s320/christmas2010+025.JPG" /></a> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpZ-SmXiC-t3VxPJfFcXPu2J4W-4RryqL0WttlZVHITKjJE928f8wKkmImiEak1p8nKQ5FGWR0V54YyqnA1xWPj9SxKLiQLUNnnfgTkJwfAWHVz8eSqo8oyxXQpsosecKmAbFlRuwBofM/s1600/christmas2010+005.JPG"><img style="WIDTH: 214px; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5559276386565263906" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpZ-SmXiC-t3VxPJfFcXPu2J4W-4RryqL0WttlZVHITKjJE928f8wKkmImiEak1p8nKQ5FGWR0V54YyqnA1xWPj9SxKLiQLUNnnfgTkJwfAWHVz8eSqo8oyxXQpsosecKmAbFlRuwBofM/s320/christmas2010+005.JPG" /></a><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdqkzxm_dpq-LVY6uOWjFkVwL4w5ICLFUp_1GlH0KnlqrgzEfymxPsOFbZWp1FNklM4qhsiS-TVE4c-fnc-oexhRY4ect6n_Ns1lYUcKlHRA-L5lML3fdabOAmeN2kHdKfoDwkJfhwXQM/s1600/christmas2010+035.JPG"><img style="WIDTH: 214px; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5559277265775607778" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdqkzxm_dpq-LVY6uOWjFkVwL4w5ICLFUp_1GlH0KnlqrgzEfymxPsOFbZWp1FNklM4qhsiS-TVE4c-fnc-oexhRY4ect6n_Ns1lYUcKlHRA-L5lML3fdabOAmeN2kHdKfoDwkJfhwXQM/s320/christmas2010+035.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn7_elYJeYNcgl0lLoIXe_ZouQh5xTD3YgprYKqqxol3yDG7a6_Fn6SRbPVsVASQhsSlJvZJKgKf2-Emz0bNf7GaP7LzDNRxgM_m-4yBnlb8sQ-O0j1Gg_gdmjBkZcH3Tu5GgYQV5W5e4/s1600/christmas2010+063.JPG"><img style="WIDTH: 214px; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5559277776512440594" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn7_elYJeYNcgl0lLoIXe_ZouQh5xTD3YgprYKqqxol3yDG7a6_Fn6SRbPVsVASQhsSlJvZJKgKf2-Emz0bNf7GaP7LzDNRxgM_m-4yBnlb8sQ-O0j1Gg_gdmjBkZcH3Tu5GgYQV5W5e4/s320/christmas2010+063.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiYD67Ff9dq8jLHXuc3P5-et7hhZ1_EFovFL6Zmyy4Hxhw5gzQMDg1SeCUN-Wxpiydb0NIa-8OEvhiWxQBhKS8F9w9yljBQ42QWXNsH8aol3TUCmGDMw4LI78zxl7PBOlatzP7-IsOZpc/s1600/christmas2010+001.JPG"><img style="WIDTH: 214px; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5559276293058743634" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiYD67Ff9dq8jLHXuc3P5-et7hhZ1_EFovFL6Zmyy4Hxhw5gzQMDg1SeCUN-Wxpiydb0NIa-8OEvhiWxQBhKS8F9w9yljBQ42QWXNsH8aol3TUCmGDMw4LI78zxl7PBOlatzP7-IsOZpc/s320/christmas2010+001.JPG" /></a><br /><div><br /><br /><br /><br /><div> <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div>Patty mcmommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13002394421393958031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8543751294599835969.post-9166047756079422112011-01-02T20:15:00.000-08:002011-01-02T20:54:11.936-08:00No more running from the past...WELCOME 2011!!! I cannot tell you how much of a BITCH 2010 was to me! Was there good to 2010? You betcha! But the majority of it was really just not, so I am one happy <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">chiquita</span> to see it get the hell outta my life!<br />Do you have any "New Year's Resolutions"? I don't really. Not specifically at least. I don't have the whole "I want to lose weight" (although, really? I always want to do that!), or "I want to start doing _____" sort of list going. What my goals are? Well, I just want to make the most I can of my life. I'm tired of feeling like I am not accomplishing anything, like I am spinning my wheels! And it's not just for the new year, it's something I have been trying to work on for awhile, and I think I am finally in a place where I can believe in myself, my abilities, and I can make any changes that I want to! <br />For the past month I have completely stepped away from my treadmill. I haven't even gotten on it one time! Instead, I made a habit of getting up every morning and "Shredding" (doing a workout series by Jillian <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">Michaels</span> called "The 30 Day Shred"). I've been really good at getting up at 4:45 and just DOING it! I missed a couple of days, but overall did it for a full month. Did I notice a difference? I sure did! Dropped a couple of sizes (HELLS YEAH!) and pounds, which is ultimately a goal for me, but I also noticed some other changes that I like! I've NEVER been a morning person, and that has been a real problem for working out when I have a full time job, 3 children and often another side job or class going on. I have always known that if I don't get up in the morning and do it, it will not happen because by the end of the day I am completely WIPED out! But in the past? I just couldn't do it. The alarm would go off and I'd decide that maybe tomorrow would be the day? Well, the month of December 2010 I totally blew that problem out of the water! With my new job (have I mentioned how much I LOVE it? <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">Cuz</span> I DO!!!) I don't have to be there at 6:45 like the other place, so I realized I CAN get up and work out first thing! So I just did it! Day after day, and before I knew it, I actually woke up BEFORE the alarm, and I have been eager to get up each day! I KNOW, who the hell has taken over Patty? I don't know how it happened but I am glad it finally has! I'm feeling really good, and that? Is what I want!<br />So tonight..... I decided to get on that treadmill. Now it's not like that is a daunting task, I actually love that machine and really love to just RUN on it! But, it has been over a month and I have been sick for the past week, so I wasn't sure how good I would do! Well, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">OMFG</span>, what a difference that month of working out Shredding has done!!! I ran, a really good workout and I found that it was EASY! I felt like I could go on forever, but knew that it was <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">prolly</span> a good idea to not actually KILL myself, so I did a regular workout, but when I was finished I still wanted to do more, so I hopped over to my rowing machine and I rowed. And I rowed and rowed and rowed! I did DOUBLE what I have ever done in one sitting! WHO is this girl?! After absolutely killing that rowing machine, I hopped back on the treadmill! Joe looked up at me from his computer and I laughed and said I'm only gonna walk to bring the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">heart rate</span> down, but after about 30 seconds of walking I decided I wanted to run again!!!! And so I logged another mile running, just for fun! I finished up and I feel absolutely fantastic! So this new me? I really like this chic!<br />While I was running, it dawned on me. I think that I have actually changed my outlook, my way of thinking, my attitude! I realized that I am no longer running from anything in my past, but instead I am actually running towards my future. And that's all I want to do, keep moving forward, no matter what obstacles come my way!Patty mcmommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13002394421393958031noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8543751294599835969.post-19545218134115826952010-12-16T20:01:00.000-08:002010-12-16T20:29:18.062-08:00Holy Sh!T !!!Well, this is a first for me.....<br />Christmas is in, what, less then 10 days? Oh my, and HOLY SHIT!!! Freakout will commence very shortly! You see, my preferred method to preparing for Christmas includes me beginning to shop in August or September, taking it slowly. Then, for Black Friday, I get my ass out there (oh yes, I have stood in many a line at 3am to get that awesome deal that awaits!) in the crazy hours that are Black Friday, and I finish up on that day. Maybe I have 1 or two more gifts to buy before Christmas, but no rush really. <br />Here I am, uncomfortably close to Christmas and would you believe that I have purchase 0 (yes, that would be a ZERO) gifts thus far!!!! WTF???!!! Well, lets be honest here, this has not exactly been a year of happy happy joy joy when it comes to the big financial picture. I have to admit, had things not just recently turned around I don't know that a Christmas would even be possible for us this year, so I am incredibly greatful to the turn of events that has put us in a better place. And this weekend, we will be shopping and getting ready to play santa, but HOLY SHIT, Christmas is so close and I don't want to be out shopping the Saturday before Christmas and OMG I am mucho overwhelmed by the incredibly late start that I am getting for this season!!! <br />And? For the record, I KNOW that Christmas isn't just about giving gifts to your kids, but who doesn't want to give their kids the kind of memories they deserve? I don't mean spoiling the kids rotten, as I have no intention of doing this. To be honest, I am this close ---><--- to not having Santa come for certain little children who don't seem to behave, thinking that even though Santa knows if they are being naughty they will still receive gifts! I have never done this, but wow, let's just say boys are a different breed!!! LOLOLOL! Nah, my kiddos are good..... as long as mommy is not around!! LOL!<br />Sooooo, if you are out and about on Saturday, shopping, and you see someone hyperventilating into a paper bag? Yeah, that's prolly me;) <br />And If I'm not back again before Christmas? ¡Feliz Navidad!Patty mcmommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13002394421393958031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8543751294599835969.post-51383524127969568242010-12-13T19:44:00.000-08:002010-12-13T20:29:37.990-08:00I haven't gone anywhere but crazy my friends:)I have been terribly lax about keeping this blog up, and that was not the intention! Life just seems to be plugging along and before I know it, it has been forever and a day since I have blogged. But enough dwelling and lets move on already!<br />Lets do this in a run on sentence, just for shits and giggles, shall we?<br />My how much has changed, Mia turned 3 (but she is STILL so friggen tiny, but growing and that is all that matters), we moved, Ashlynn turned 11 and started 6th grade at a new school, AJ turned 5, I took a class, I got an amazing job with a great Doctor, we were forced to get rid of dear old Rocky (one of our dogs), Ashlynn made district chior and performed at my old high school for the concert, ummmm, I think that about covers it! The end?<br />It doesn't really sound like that much when I put in down here, but trust me things have been busy busy busy!<br />The main thing consuming all of my time, energy and sanity these past few months has been the terrible class I have to take. If you know me, you know the one. The one that I cannot seem to conquer, but of course that doesn't make me give up! But tonight? I feel a bit defeated. I had my final tonight, and I knew that I had to really kill it because this has been a struggle. Strange for me really, because school has never been difficult for me. High school was pretty much a cake walk, damn if I had really pushed myself I can only wonder... College, well that really wasn't so difficult either, it took me forever to get the degree, but that is just because I couldn't dedicate myself to school alone, working full time throughout and starting a family. I don't regret that at all, but that one of the reason's I took so long to finish, the other being that I changed my mind so many times about "what I wanted to be" when I grew up. But this one class? Well let me just tell you it has really been a struggle. I don't know how I did, and I admit I am scared because failure is not acceptable to me and is certainly not an option. The mere fact that I did get one test back this semester that had a 50% on it made me almost die. I'm an "A", even "B" student. By no means is anything below that acceptable and here I sit, praying for a "C" now. Then, just for icing on the cake, I find out that the rush to take this class (it is a 2 semester class) so that I can apply and get into dental school? Well, it sorta feels like it was all for nothing because I cannot even get into the second semester at this point because it is full as is the wait list. So it almost doesn't matter how I did. If I passed, awesome, but then I have to wait until NEXT January to take the second semester, and will I really remember all of this stuff by then? If I didn't pass, well what a fucking waste! <br />I don't have any plans of throwing in the towel, although it is tempting and easy to quit, but then I would feel like all of the education I have worked hard for would be for nothing because it has gotten me no further then I would be if I hadn't done it. UGH! <br />So I'm stressed, and that is where I've been.<br />Tonight, after all of this mess, Ashlynn had a band concert, and I felt terrible because I had to rush to it and got there late. Luckily, I only missed the beginning band and got there in time to see her perform, but it just was not a good feeling as I do not want to be <strong><em>that </em></strong>mom. The one who misses things, and that almost happened. It broke my heart.<br />So today is over and all I can do is look forward to whatever happens tomorrow. I'll keep my head up and things will be fine, this I believe. And the next post (which will be soon, pinky promise!!).... It will be the fun, happy go lucky me :)Patty mcmommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13002394421393958031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8543751294599835969.post-89203348056580070702010-05-16T14:02:00.000-07:002010-05-16T15:03:31.098-07:00Has it really been that long?Wow, I mean really, wow people! I can't believe I haven't checked in for so long, but what can I say? No excuse really, just busy busy busy! <div><div><div><div><br />But enough about me...</div><div><br />Ok, it's actually ALL about me as this is my party so you get what I give you here ;)</div><div><br />So here we are, the last few weeks of school for Ashlynn and Joe, we get a little hectic as it is time to tie up any loose ends (ie: any assignments Ash has shoved in that overflowing desk of hers that never hit the teacher's desk!) and Joe finishing up his grading. Anticipation for the summer. Ah, shit, summer?! Living here in HELL, it provides less fun and more discomfort then I look forward to, but we do pretty good making the most of it! This summer holds lots of new and exciting stuff for us, so I'm busy preparing for what is to come. What, you may ask? We move very shortly after school gets out and we are very excited but have lots of work to do to prepare! How, I ask you, does one family accumulate so much crap? Lord, I am purging and dumping all that I can, packing, cleaning, packing, cleaning...</div><div><br />So what have you missed? Well here's the short version of what has transpired since I last posted.... I lost a job. I have a review one day where I am told I am great, there is nothing I can improve and I get a raise, then a month later I have to leave early because my little Mia got sick at school and BAM, he fires me! Yep, but really it was a job that I was very unhappy at as he was a TERRIBLE Orthodontist! I had this issue going on inside of my head where I found it so hard to place these wires that he had bent all to hell, or repositioning brackets over and over again because he was inept in his bracket placement. Oh it was the worst work that I have ever seen in my 13+ years in the field and it was not work that made me proud. This, plus the environment working with catty people that are too young and immature to get that there is so much more to life then being bitchy to others to make yourself feel good about yourself made it so difficult to be upset about losing this job. Sure, the pay was great, the whole reason I took the job in an effort to keep the house. But now that I know we are not keeping the house? SCREW IT! Money is not everything, so now I am back at the happy job that I loved before this one. The one that for the past year has been called my Monday job (cuz I just <em>couldn't</em> leave it when I quit because I loved it so and they loved having me work there) is now my only job again. And I am so happy about that. Not only that, I went back with the option of working whatever days I want to, so I am now working a whopping 3 days a week! Tues-Thursday! This will give me no excuse to finish up my schooling so that I can get that "Dr." before my name where it belongs!</div><div><br />As for the kids...</div><div><br />I mentioned above about Mia being sick, well she has had 2 separate ear infections this month in the same ear (that has a tube in it!) but she seems to be better now! She saw the endocrinologist again and he said that "she is not out of the woods yet" but that he still wants to just monitor her. She <em>has</em> grown in the past 6 months, but not as much as he would have expected. One accomplishment on her growth? I can no longer call her my 20-pound-wonder... she is NOW my 23-pound-wonder! That's right, she will be 3 years old at the end of this month and still a little peanut! LOL!</div><div><br />Adrian is growing like crazy and is just so amazing! He questions everything and you can literally see the wheels turning in his head as he processes the information. So smart! I love watching kids learn! He, just so happens to be sick today, so it looks like we will be making a trip to see Dr. Irwin again tomorrow. Fever, sore throat, better NOT be strep! OY!</div><div><br />Ashlynn? She is finishing up FIFTH GRADE!!! How does this happen so fast? I'm pretty sure she was just born a blink ago? I <strong>DO</strong> have, on film, her most recent talent show performance <strong>AND</strong> her band solo (she plays the saxophone) that I will put on here just as soon as I can! Needless to say, AMAZING, as you will see... um, soon!</div><div><br />Ok, and now for PICTURES!!!</div><div></div><div>A nice couple at Cracker Barrel saw the kids admiring their Harley's and let them sit on them!<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSTXypsWfWrK-Wmi2HfXsL5PMoz8iuUX8LRgz1J_sFiywbhXdRUcvSqFGT78mlc2I-OAVSmEF2Oj7Qmh9e9WEcP4W7xEQnLrpbRYmyIwljsdN0MYTSDeoluvn1m9uJTdZHVhzVek5RT8w/s1600/miamotorcycle.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5471989857337619042" style="WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSTXypsWfWrK-Wmi2HfXsL5PMoz8iuUX8LRgz1J_sFiywbhXdRUcvSqFGT78mlc2I-OAVSmEF2Oj7Qmh9e9WEcP4W7xEQnLrpbRYmyIwljsdN0MYTSDeoluvn1m9uJTdZHVhzVek5RT8w/s320/miamotorcycle.bmp" border="0" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiquC1-ZAcFkA_i1r6_GZT7IxRuLM95NBmv31E32p1zVpH9faVzxIedHe5Ppvt456GXG3GeZNXPQ82bBBzidVnRv_1thUevTDiQFIgbHqR-agF4x0Z4EuHM_fl98Q2t5sGYgjapKGro7W8/s1600/ajmotorcycle.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5471989840769991682" style="WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiquC1-ZAcFkA_i1r6_GZT7IxRuLM95NBmv31E32p1zVpH9faVzxIedHe5Ppvt456GXG3GeZNXPQ82bBBzidVnRv_1thUevTDiQFIgbHqR-agF4x0Z4EuHM_fl98Q2t5sGYgjapKGro7W8/s320/ajmotorcycle.bmp" border="0" /></a></div><div></div><div>The Kids at Johnny Rockets!<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdkhoJuVF81kF8ZWigQ8_ZG8zSmt1nWjJFz11IAmB3AdZ5S0MHaVTgLVeG4q3v54uZcJn3TR0WaRTYM1iLSENphk2lcf7jKepqNg8dmYkIcQ5lHfs539Ut9usxRKEH8qUQVRlAiFuBpPU/s1600/mia.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5471989851725021458" style="WIDTH: 240px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdkhoJuVF81kF8ZWigQ8_ZG8zSmt1nWjJFz11IAmB3AdZ5S0MHaVTgLVeG4q3v54uZcJn3TR0WaRTYM1iLSENphk2lcf7jKepqNg8dmYkIcQ5lHfs539Ut9usxRKEH8qUQVRlAiFuBpPU/s320/mia.bmp" border="0" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW48yf5RfzM1B2a40EquM5mJFhSQU5PsA9tFOwprTSTO-oKaT-I2PRH2SNe8PrqtJquxQlVfsol-nEvyPRHSuuuGCsf9jtQuDveQYfErdOsIoBRO4RSBIv80a8_fYwpYVEGWmI247VGyQ/s1600/aj.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5471989836832479170" style="WIDTH: 240px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW48yf5RfzM1B2a40EquM5mJFhSQU5PsA9tFOwprTSTO-oKaT-I2PRH2SNe8PrqtJquxQlVfsol-nEvyPRHSuuuGCsf9jtQuDveQYfErdOsIoBRO4RSBIv80a8_fYwpYVEGWmI247VGyQ/s320/aj.bmp" border="0" /></a></div><div></div><div>Ashlynn playing at the park!</div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgac9UQRcJjtfT98s6miZBUFAfqmjT9m3RPEFTy2k-LxbOkhWRVZ3Nn6j6Fq3eZABWQpLOSDrHqY4PUrZDkyUFU9MPyWc4T8go4XRNNv0s-9xi6oyqlaOy1FoROlz2IBM6HcqFnfhJHgs/s1600/ash.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5471989845847148658" style="WIDTH: 240px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgac9UQRcJjtfT98s6miZBUFAfqmjT9m3RPEFTy2k-LxbOkhWRVZ3Nn6j6Fq3eZABWQpLOSDrHqY4PUrZDkyUFU9MPyWc4T8go4XRNNv0s-9xi6oyqlaOy1FoROlz2IBM6HcqFnfhJHgs/s320/ash.bmp" border="0" /></a><br /></div><div></div></div></div></div>Patty mcmommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13002394421393958031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8543751294599835969.post-85325020601846936712010-03-22T09:13:00.000-07:002010-03-22T09:30:03.679-07:00The GirlShe was a young girl living in a very unconventional home. Her parents were very overprotective after having almost lost her years ago in a custody battle. They would never leave her alone or let her stay at a friends house because they were so concerned about her safety. That being said, one would think that she lived in a safe, happy home, but nothing could be farther from the truth. Her father, a very loving man, worked in construction all day and drank beer all night until he could not even walk straight. Her step mother was an alcoholic whose world revolved around alcohol and the bar scene. She was only ten years old, and even though her life had been full of misfortune and disappointment, her world was about to get turned upside down and she had no way of stopping it.<br />It was a normal night in the house, where friends from the local bar were in and out, drinking and playing card games with the step mother. The small house, probably only 300 square feet of space, was always dark and filled with smoke from cigarettes. This house, well, you can't really call it a house, or a home, it was really a shack. This shack consisted of one tiny bathroom that was just bigger then a port a potty, a small bedroom, living room and a kitchen that was smaller then a bathroom stall at a restaurant. In this shack lived the young girl, her father, step mother, aunt, cousin, and sometimes many other stranger friends that her parents befriended at the bar. Unhealthy lifestyle and household, yes, you could say that, but it was her life and there was no way for her to change it, so she would escape from her reality through music. That girl could listen to and sing music for hours and it would make her forget about everything going on around her, so not much of it bothered her, until this night.<br />On weeknights, the local grocery store closed at midnight, and it was a nightly trip that her parents took to go to this store to buy another case of beer. They usually made her get up and go with them, even if it was a school night, but this night was different. She was so happy that they allowed her to stay home and in bed, how little she could for see that maybe getting dragged to the store in the middle of the night wasn't so bad after all. This night, a friend from the bar was still at the house when her parents realized that it was time to go to the store if they were going to have beer for tomorrow. He was an old man, had been a friend for a few years and was always at the house playing cards. He was always very friendly and liked to give the little girl gifts for Christmas and her Birthday. Her parents deemed him trustworthy, so they left him there to watch their daughter while they went to the store.<br />The girl was awake when her parents left for the store, so she wasn't startled when the man walked into her bedroom. The only way to the bathroom was through that tiny bedroom, so she assumed he was just walking through to use the facilities. Innocence gave her no reason to fear what he intended to do to her. Maybe he didn't even intend to do anything, maybe he was just walking through the room to use the bathroom and something clicked in his mind when he glanced over and saw the girl in her bed? Who knows what his intentions were, either way he acted on his urge and he went to her bed and stole her innocence away forever.<br />That man was never brought to justice for his crime against that girl, because she never spoke of it. Her parents never found out that they had left her in a situation that was dangerous and that because of that their daughter was changed from a child to a broken person. For years to come, that man would still come to the house, he would bring even more gifts for the girl, but they were unwanted and usually untouched by the girl. She never allowed herself to be alone with the man again. She would jump out of bed to go with her parents to the store if that man were still at the house at night, which he was and often. This was how her life continued until she graduated high school and quickly got her own place, never to be put in any situation that she could not control again....<br />But the story doesn't end there. That girl? Well, she was blessed in such a way that her prince charming did ride up on his white horse (actually, a midnight blue Chevette!). This prince, he arrived at just the right time, right before High school even started, and he made more of an impact on her life then he could ever imagine. Had it not been for him, she would have surely made some poor choices to help numb the pain and she would likely become someone she would hate. But he was there, he loved her, cared for her, steered her in the right direction when she would start to go astray. Even now, when she lets her past come back to haunt her, he's there, holding her, loving her, through any pain she puts him through. That girl, she wouldn't change anything, because really all of life's pain, disappointments, and struggles; well this along with the victories, joys, and triumphs, they make us who we are and give us strength, perspective, and a vision of how things can and should be. And that girl, she wouldn't know this happiness, this true love that runs deeper then space in the universe, and is stronger then the winds of ten thousand hurricanes, had it not been for the past she had lived. This girl has learned, dwelling on the struggles will get you nothing but more pain and suffering, picking your head up, leaning on those that love you, and moving forward, that's the path to true happiness.Patty mcmommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13002394421393958031noreply@blogger.com0