Monday, August 10, 2009

Knee deep

Here I sit, my head on the brink of exploding. No, I am not exaggerating, it truly may explode, then you might actually feel bad about doubting me, huh? No, really, I do believe I need to find some way to release this stress that I feel, but there really is nothing. Work out? Sounds like a great idea were it not for this headache, did I mention how bad it is?
So as you may or may not know, times have been tough here (understatement) for our family. Shit, my whole life has been pretty much a great big turd. I'm not complaining, because I really do believe that everything that we go through in life builds us into the type of people that we are. So I would really not go back and change my life, really. Bright spots? Of course I have them, 4 of them in my life to be exact. My husband, well, let's just say that had it not been for him my life would have most likely taken a much darker path. I was a "good girl", while being raised amongst much evil. I had to be a "good girl" or Joe would have wanted nothing to do with me if I even tried to go down the path I would have been headed. And, let's face it, I wouldn't be here in this world with my amazing children if my life wasn't just exactly how it is!
Most of the time, I am able to keep a great, positive attitude. I once worked for this arrogant jerk (I'm not the only one with this opinion of him, and no, he's not the one that fired me last year) that would say in the morning that attitude is the only thing you can fake in this job. I do try to live like that. I know that there's not a lot you can fake in life, but your attitude is definitely one of the things you can fake. And frankly? If you fake it enough, it can actually turn happy. So I do. It's only every now and then, like now, when I let darkness creep in and I do let myself feel hopeless, although only for a little while. That's where I am right now, in the darkness. Wondering why I even try at life? I mean really? For all that I try to do to make life go smoothly it really is anything but. So here I sit. Unlikely that I will actually share my massive problem with the word. Unreal really that I am writing this much, but what the hell, here it is! Today, life =shit, tomorrow I'm sure is another day and I'll be in a better place. I have to be, my little girl is going to be 10 tomorrow, so I know that will be a brighter day for me!


  1. Hang in there!! I am worried about you! Remember...I am ALWAYS here for you (even though there are a few more miles in between).

  2. I just stumbled over here, but I'm sorry things are so rough. I'll be hoping things pick up soon!!


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