I am.....
wife, mother, daughter, sister, student, teacher, workerbee, butt-wiper extrodinairre (but only to my 2 and 3 year olds;), chef, maid, servant, happy, sad, scared, overwhelmed, stressed, inconsolable, overworked, underpaid, exhausted, in love, talented, scatterbrained, intelligent, ditzy, frustrated, furious, nice, considerate, fat, lazy, absentminded, poor, insignificant, insecure, confident, positive, negative, a procrastinator, frantic, calm, somebody, nobody, honest, deceptive, satisfied, unsatisfied, a dreamer, a realist, accepting, a dork, cool, right, wrong, sorry, empathetic, embarassed, proud, eager, sweet, loving, insane in the membrane, needy, independant, stubborn, controlling, used, gullible, mean, beautiful, ugly, hurt, seamstress, organized, unorganized, packrat, quiet, loud, singer, spazzoid, funny, humorless, impatient, fast, slow, witty, alive, irreplacable;), forgettable, persistent, a failure, a winner, human.
This is me.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Saturday, October 3, 2009
So very wrong...
Warning: Close friends and family members may want to skip reading this particular post as it deals with parts of my past that you do not know about and do not necessarily want to know about, but it is a post that I feel compelled to write after recent events in the news.
Ok, now that I have gotten that disclosure out of the way, on with my topic...
I have a problem, a MASSIVE problem with the recent arrest, and more importantly, the outcry for the release of Roman Polanski.
For those that are unaware, after 30 years of living a free, high life, fugitive Roman Polanski was arrested in Switzerland and is to be extradited to the U.S. because of a rape he committed to a 13 year old girl.
Now, celebrities, directors, producers, etc are coming out in Polanski's DEFENSE saying that he should NOT be extradited and forced to face a sentence for this heinous crime that was committed so long ago!!! My first thoughts? What the fuck???!!! The man RAPED a 13 year old girl! Is there some privilege in Celebrityland that allows celebrities to do as they please, even if that means raping a CHILD?! It disgusts me beyond belief that celebrities such as Debra Winger, Whoopi Goldberg, Woody Allen, Martin Scorsese, David Lynch, Harvey Weinstein, Pedro Almodóvar and Ethan Coen are all coming to this monster's defense because of so many reasons that don't matter! He has had a successful film career? SO THE FUCK WHAT? It's been so long ago that this happened? EVEN MORE OF A TRAVESTY! It wasn't "rape-rape" according to Whoopi Goldberg? FIRST off, even if it HAD been consensual (which it was NOT as documented in the court papers!), it is STILL rape because a 13 year old girl is in no way capable of having REAL consensual sex with an old man! This is why they call it rape, even if the CHILD agreed... But this child DID NOT agree to what this monster did to her! He drugged her and wouldn't stop even though she told him to stop, don't touch her, she even tried to get away and he wouldn't let her!
BUT, apparently since he has made successful films, it's ok. Let's just let him be free because he has had a rough life. Clearly it was terribly rough for him as he lived in Europe and continued to make films. Rough, rough life. I wonder, had the sicko that held Jaycee Dugard captive from the time she was 11 until she was 29, if HE was a filmmaker or other type of celebrity, would this have been ok?
I'm not one to normally rant and rave over things which I really cannot change and have no say in, but as a victim of child rape, I am really compelled to write about this situation. In my case, my monster never stood trial on this earth because I let him get away with it. I was a child, only 10, and I was too afraid to ever tell anyone. It was a family friend and in the years following the assault I stuck close to my parents and was never alone with the bastard again. My parents had no idea, always thought he was such a nice man because he always brought "gifts" for me. I was sickened by the whole situation but was always too afraid to reveal the truth. Now? Lord it has been too long. The bastard is dead and gone, so I know he faced judgment for what he did and I am at peace with that, but I will still never tell my parents because all it will do is hurt them now. So I hold it in, only very few people have known about it up to this point. Let me say, when I say I am "at peace" with it, I mean I am at peace with the fact that God had judged him. Not with what he did to me. I'll never be OK, I'll always be a little fucked up over what he did to me, But I do know that I was a victim, not at fault for his crime.
I know the victim in the Polanski rape doesn't want to open up this old wound, but it is still a wound and will always be because of this awful thing that this demon did to her when she was a child. People who say he is only accused? Nope, not really. He signed a plea deal admitting guilt, so we cannot say he hasn't been convicted of a crime. The pussy skipped out on his sentencing because he was AFRAID they wouldn't honor the plea deal he agreed to? Nope, I don't buy that as an excuse.
So who is right? Well, me of course cuz this is my blog and you're just visiting it;) But honestly, in the end, this demon will be judged by the only one that matters. Hopefully sooner rather than later... oh wait, did I just say that "out loud"?
Ok, now that I have gotten that disclosure out of the way, on with my topic...
I have a problem, a MASSIVE problem with the recent arrest, and more importantly, the outcry for the release of Roman Polanski.
For those that are unaware, after 30 years of living a free, high life, fugitive Roman Polanski was arrested in Switzerland and is to be extradited to the U.S. because of a rape he committed to a 13 year old girl.
Now, celebrities, directors, producers, etc are coming out in Polanski's DEFENSE saying that he should NOT be extradited and forced to face a sentence for this heinous crime that was committed so long ago!!! My first thoughts? What the fuck???!!! The man RAPED a 13 year old girl! Is there some privilege in Celebrityland that allows celebrities to do as they please, even if that means raping a CHILD?! It disgusts me beyond belief that celebrities such as Debra Winger, Whoopi Goldberg, Woody Allen, Martin Scorsese, David Lynch, Harvey Weinstein, Pedro Almodóvar and Ethan Coen are all coming to this monster's defense because of so many reasons that don't matter! He has had a successful film career? SO THE FUCK WHAT? It's been so long ago that this happened? EVEN MORE OF A TRAVESTY! It wasn't "rape-rape" according to Whoopi Goldberg? FIRST off, even if it HAD been consensual (which it was NOT as documented in the court papers!), it is STILL rape because a 13 year old girl is in no way capable of having REAL consensual sex with an old man! This is why they call it rape, even if the CHILD agreed... But this child DID NOT agree to what this monster did to her! He drugged her and wouldn't stop even though she told him to stop, don't touch her, she even tried to get away and he wouldn't let her!
BUT, apparently since he has made successful films, it's ok. Let's just let him be free because he has had a rough life. Clearly it was terribly rough for him as he lived in Europe and continued to make films. Rough, rough life. I wonder, had the sicko that held Jaycee Dugard captive from the time she was 11 until she was 29, if HE was a filmmaker or other type of celebrity, would this have been ok?
I'm not one to normally rant and rave over things which I really cannot change and have no say in, but as a victim of child rape, I am really compelled to write about this situation. In my case, my monster never stood trial on this earth because I let him get away with it. I was a child, only 10, and I was too afraid to ever tell anyone. It was a family friend and in the years following the assault I stuck close to my parents and was never alone with the bastard again. My parents had no idea, always thought he was such a nice man because he always brought "gifts" for me. I was sickened by the whole situation but was always too afraid to reveal the truth. Now? Lord it has been too long. The bastard is dead and gone, so I know he faced judgment for what he did and I am at peace with that, but I will still never tell my parents because all it will do is hurt them now. So I hold it in, only very few people have known about it up to this point. Let me say, when I say I am "at peace" with it, I mean I am at peace with the fact that God had judged him. Not with what he did to me. I'll never be OK, I'll always be a little fucked up over what he did to me, But I do know that I was a victim, not at fault for his crime.
I know the victim in the Polanski rape doesn't want to open up this old wound, but it is still a wound and will always be because of this awful thing that this demon did to her when she was a child. People who say he is only accused? Nope, not really. He signed a plea deal admitting guilt, so we cannot say he hasn't been convicted of a crime. The pussy skipped out on his sentencing because he was AFRAID they wouldn't honor the plea deal he agreed to? Nope, I don't buy that as an excuse.
So who is right? Well, me of course cuz this is my blog and you're just visiting it;) But honestly, in the end, this demon will be judged by the only one that matters. Hopefully sooner rather than later... oh wait, did I just say that "out loud"?
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Here I am, thanks to Legolas!
Who? What? Well, Legolas is my cat. He is a sweet cat that is all white and he is sweet, did I mention he is sweet? This is important, because if he weren't sweet? Dude would be out the door and I mean yesterday! Patty, you ask, what the hell are you talking about? Well this wonderful furball has recently decided that, like dogs do for their owners (I hear, my dogs don't actually do this though!) he MUST wake me up at 5:30 in the morning, if by chance I am not already up!!! Normally, this wouldn't be an issue because the babies are ALWAYS up like friggin clockwork! But today? Well let's just say Lego is on my list, and it ain't the good one! It is now 7:34, I have been up (thank you, Mr. Meows so loudly his cuteness/sweetness is only going to get him so far, cat!) since 5:30. But the babies? STILL SLEEPING, as SHOULD I be! The only bright side is that here I sit and I can fill you in on the going's on in mc-mommyland!
SICK
Poor little Mia got sick on Monday night. By Tuesday night I knew I was likely looking at the possibility of missing work the next day as daycares aren't exactly warm to the idea of sick kids being left there. Luckily, I have a great boss who is understanding and I stayed home on Wednesday to tend to my 20lb wonder (my little nickname for the girl who won't gain weight! It took her until 24 months of age to hit the 20lb mark and she just can't seem to get any heavier! The underweight issue, she totally gets it from me.....NOT!). Anyways, nothing like waiting to call the Dr. because your little on is VERY sick (coughing, fever, sullen face gives her away) and then getting a text from a bitchy coworker who is pissed because she is now forced to make 1 retainer... REALLY? But that is a whole 'nother story! Ok, to my point, she got to see HER Dr (which always reassures me because Dr. Irwin is the bestest Pediatrician in the whole entire world!) and we found out the poor baby has pneumonia!!! Holy cough Batman, pneumonia?! That wasn't something I expected, sooo very happy I got her in NOW and before it got WORSE! Little princess really has suffered enough in her short life w/ her acid reflux and hernia she had as an infant, poor baby! So, out came the baby monitors again (thank God I still have them!) as I was freaking out that she would struggle to breath while sleeping and how would I know???
She is doing better now. Still has the terrible cough, but fever free since starting the antibiotics so hopefully it will be gone soon!
The other kids?
Well, pretty sure AJ is coming down with something as he keeps saying he feels sicky and is more whiny then a cold cellar in Napa Valley! Yep, something probably brewing!
Ashlynn? Ya, sure, you betcha, she seems to think she is sick too. It has seemed as though she was trying to cough like Mia, but maybe there is really something there too? Ay Dios mio, what's a mc-mommy to do???
On the bright side, my little 20lb wonder? No longer!!! She's now a 21lb wonder!!! This, my friends is a triumphant milestone for my sweet little "mitchit" (she calls herself a "mitchit", she is really saying "princess", but if you don't know it certainly sounds exactly like "midget", which she kinda is;)
So, this message has been brought to you because of a noisy, naughty kitty! I guess I should say thank you to Legolas, but that is not exactly how I am feeling right now! Mia is up now, so gotta go!
Saturday, August 15, 2009
My sweet little lady...
This past week was all about my oldest daughter, Ashlynn. She turned 10, which I find absolutely impossible to believe! But here we are, 10 years after the birth of my special Angel! Today's blog, as you may have guessed, is dedicated to this beautiful ray of sunshine!
The day we met, I felt like I knew her forever already!
As the years have passed, she has always been my little sidekick, my constant source of joy in an often cruel world.
Well, I know the approaching years will be full of, um, drama! For now, though, I will just enjoy every minute that she actually likes me! Hell, I'll grin and bear it as the teenage years approach, but as long as she knows that I love her no matter what, we will get through any of the drama!
For this, her 10th birthday, I was able to do something so incredible for her, that I knew she would just love! I got her tickets to the Jonas Brother's concert! And to top it off, I kept her home from school and we went to a special kickball game featuring the Jonas Brother's VS. Johnjay and Rich (my morning radio show)!
Despite the wretched heat, we had a great time! Front row so she could get a good look at the love of her life, Nick Jonas!
Unfortunately, her dream of him seeing her and falling madly in love and them living happily ever after did not happen! BUT, she did have a great time. By the time we were at the concert, she had proclaimed this to be the "best day of my life", such a profound statement from an old 10 year old!
I certainly hope that she holds these memories close to her heart, I know I will!
Monday, August 10, 2009
Knee deep
Here I sit, my head on the brink of exploding. No, I am not exaggerating, it truly may explode, then you might actually feel bad about doubting me, huh? No, really, I do believe I need to find some way to release this stress that I feel, but there really is nothing. Work out? Sounds like a great idea were it not for this headache, did I mention how bad it is?
So as you may or may not know, times have been tough here (understatement) for our family. Shit, my whole life has been pretty much a great big turd. I'm not complaining, because I really do believe that everything that we go through in life builds us into the type of people that we are. So I would really not go back and change my life, really. Bright spots? Of course I have them, 4 of them in my life to be exact. My husband, well, let's just say that had it not been for him my life would have most likely taken a much darker path. I was a "good girl", while being raised amongst much evil. I had to be a "good girl" or Joe would have wanted nothing to do with me if I even tried to go down the path I would have been headed. And, let's face it, I wouldn't be here in this world with my amazing children if my life wasn't just exactly how it is!
Most of the time, I am able to keep a great, positive attitude. I once worked for this arrogant jerk (I'm not the only one with this opinion of him, and no, he's not the one that fired me last year) that would say in the morning that attitude is the only thing you can fake in this job. I do try to live like that. I know that there's not a lot you can fake in life, but your attitude is definitely one of the things you can fake. And frankly? If you fake it enough, it can actually turn happy. So I do. It's only every now and then, like now, when I let darkness creep in and I do let myself feel hopeless, although only for a little while. That's where I am right now, in the darkness. Wondering why I even try at life? I mean really? For all that I try to do to make life go smoothly it really is anything but. So here I sit. Unlikely that I will actually share my massive problem with the word. Unreal really that I am writing this much, but what the hell, here it is! Today, life =shit, tomorrow I'm sure is another day and I'll be in a better place. I have to be, my little girl is going to be 10 tomorrow, so I know that will be a brighter day for me!
So as you may or may not know, times have been tough here (understatement) for our family. Shit, my whole life has been pretty much a great big turd. I'm not complaining, because I really do believe that everything that we go through in life builds us into the type of people that we are. So I would really not go back and change my life, really. Bright spots? Of course I have them, 4 of them in my life to be exact. My husband, well, let's just say that had it not been for him my life would have most likely taken a much darker path. I was a "good girl", while being raised amongst much evil. I had to be a "good girl" or Joe would have wanted nothing to do with me if I even tried to go down the path I would have been headed. And, let's face it, I wouldn't be here in this world with my amazing children if my life wasn't just exactly how it is!
Most of the time, I am able to keep a great, positive attitude. I once worked for this arrogant jerk (I'm not the only one with this opinion of him, and no, he's not the one that fired me last year) that would say in the morning that attitude is the only thing you can fake in this job. I do try to live like that. I know that there's not a lot you can fake in life, but your attitude is definitely one of the things you can fake. And frankly? If you fake it enough, it can actually turn happy. So I do. It's only every now and then, like now, when I let darkness creep in and I do let myself feel hopeless, although only for a little while. That's where I am right now, in the darkness. Wondering why I even try at life? I mean really? For all that I try to do to make life go smoothly it really is anything but. So here I sit. Unlikely that I will actually share my massive problem with the word. Unreal really that I am writing this much, but what the hell, here it is! Today, life =shit, tomorrow I'm sure is another day and I'll be in a better place. I have to be, my little girl is going to be 10 tomorrow, so I know that will be a brighter day for me!
Thursday, July 30, 2009
A day late and a dolla short!
Leave it to me. I have this absolute, wonderful knack for doing things in the most complicated, difficult way possible! This is the story of my life. I never take the shortest distance between two points, the straight line. Oh, no, I have to find the most difficult way to get from one point to the other, then I see if I can complicate it even more!
So, as I blogged about in my "I'm BAAAAACK" post, I have realized that just because I am no longer what I might consider young, I am going to fulfill my career dream and do what I really want to do. Yup, unfortunately I didn't exactly decide this in enough time to actually get the start that I had intended. As is true to my fashion, I waited too long to make this decision and have found that the school I am registered for classes in for fall (and where my financial aid is set up to go through) DOES NOT offer the 1 class I need to take!!! Of course!!!! So brainy Patty thinks I can just register somewhere else and keep in my classes at Rio, but this would not be possible because I would have to pay for the class NOW in order to be in it (not even in the realm of possibility as my money tree out back has no leaves on it!) and it is too late to transfer the financial aid info!!! OF COURSE!!! So here I am, It will take yet ANOTHER year to get where I wanna be! But this, I guarantee... I will not, I repeat, I WILL NOT let this get me down or put me in a tailspin. It is what it is. It is me. It is how I roll, the hard way, but it is what it is nonetheless!
Maybe, just maybe, someday I will do things smart. Maybe someday I will just set a plan into action and do it the right way! Until then, I'll just keep on keepin on I guess!
So, as I blogged about in my "I'm BAAAAACK" post, I have realized that just because I am no longer what I might consider young, I am going to fulfill my career dream and do what I really want to do. Yup, unfortunately I didn't exactly decide this in enough time to actually get the start that I had intended. As is true to my fashion, I waited too long to make this decision and have found that the school I am registered for classes in for fall (and where my financial aid is set up to go through) DOES NOT offer the 1 class I need to take!!! Of course!!!! So brainy Patty thinks I can just register somewhere else and keep in my classes at Rio, but this would not be possible because I would have to pay for the class NOW in order to be in it (not even in the realm of possibility as my money tree out back has no leaves on it!) and it is too late to transfer the financial aid info!!! OF COURSE!!! So here I am, It will take yet ANOTHER year to get where I wanna be! But this, I guarantee... I will not, I repeat, I WILL NOT let this get me down or put me in a tailspin. It is what it is. It is me. It is how I roll, the hard way, but it is what it is nonetheless!
Maybe, just maybe, someday I will do things smart. Maybe someday I will just set a plan into action and do it the right way! Until then, I'll just keep on keepin on I guess!
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
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