Sunday, January 17, 2010

A shell of who I was and am...

I am seriously disappointed in myself for abandoning this blog for so long! It has just sat here, all lonely and unkempt, but I haven't forgotten, just merely been unable to stop in. But here I am, in my full glory: the good, the bad, yeah.. you know!

To be completely honest, I have just been drifting through life lately. Not wanting to post only to bitch about this life I lead, I have left this blog alone for awhile. But what the hell, it's my blog and I'll cry, I mean write, if I want to!!!

I've changed. Yes, it's true, we all change, it's part of life and there is no way around it. But I have changed lately in ways that I don't like and it has gotten to a point that I don't even really know who I am anymore. Values, goals, dreams, yeah they are pretty much in tact and the same, but ME, as a person? I don't know what happened. I think it honestly goes back to around when I lost my job almost 2 years ago, but maybe even before that. All I know is that the confident person I once was is no longer. I put on a facade of confidence most of the time, but really I feel like I am shards from a shattered glass. I get overwhelmed from things that are so stupid, yet I stay strong and steadfast in the face of so many other things.

I know that I AM strong, I've been through too much and survived it for me not to be strong... yet why do I feel so small, insignificant, and fragile when these are all things I have never felt before?

I feel like a shell of the person I once was. I think the inside has changed so much that I'm trying to sort it all out right now. Once I know who I am now, I will share this person with you. Maybe even as I try to sort out all of the pieces to this puzzle that makes me me. Until then, know that I am OK, if only OK, and that if it seems like I am avoiding you its not anything personal. I am realizing that lately I am kind of like a turtle, who retracts into their shell when feeling fearful or just stressed out. Please just bear with me as I work through all of this, I do still care about all of my friends and family and hope that you can understand.

Oh, and did I mention SCHOOL has started a new semester? Oh yippie, cuz I have just too much time on my hands!! Yes, I think I do like to torture myself sooo!
But I will end this on a higher note.... Pictures of the KIDS!!!

1 comment:

  1. Popped over from Issa's...

    I started a blog last summer, and I am often nearly afraid to post there for fear that it is just one long whine, but you know what? It's my place, and I'll whine if I want to! Better here in cyberspace than to dump it all on the people we love, right?

    Keep helps.


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